She Is
by suki1916
Summary: AU. NaleyLaley. What would've happened if Nathan had been the one to leave Haley and their young marriage? Read and Review.
1. However Long the Night, Dawn Will Break

A/N: Thisis a new story I came up with. I'm not sure how long it will be or if it will be a happy Naley or not. But if you like it, I'll continue.

A/N2: Okay, the background is that Nathan and Haley did get married in high school. Dan's not an ass and I've decided to eliminate Deb and have Karen and Dan be married; with Nathan and Lucas as their sons. I'm not sure where Peyton, Brooke, or Jake will play into this story but I'm sure they'll be making their apperances. Uh, anything else that happened in their lives will be included in flashback sequences so you can see what all went wrong.

Oh, this is just a general chapter; it's kinda vague about details and stuff but it'll all come out. So enjoy and drop the love.

However Long the Night, The Dawn Will Break

He was going home. Seven years, three months, one week, six days, nine hours, and twelve minutes. Give or take a few. He hadn't spoken to her since he had quietly left his wedding band on his pillow and slipped out of the comfort of his bed. Their bed. Out of the comfort of her arms. Not a note, not a word and definitely not a goodbye.

Through lawyers, he had filed for an annulment, erasing the whole six months they were wed. It wasn't something he had intended on doing when he had walked away from their tiny apartment, their home, but after three years, it was time to let her go. He didn't offer a why or a reason, just a signature and a broken heart.

He couldn't tell you why he never returned. His reasons for leaving were simple enough. It was simply too much. It wasn't a lack of love or caring on either part, just a need for air. He needed to grow up, become the man he was destined to be and honestly, he wasn't sure if he could do that being her husband.

There wasn't a doubt in his mind when he proposed to her. It was spur of the moment, the way he had blurted it out, but the thought itself weighed heavily on his mind months prior to that. She just quirked up an eyebrow and looked at him thoughtfully before shrugged her shoulders and giving him his answer.

"Sure."

It wasn't romantic or magical but for them it fit. They had know each other their entire lives and the once platonic friendship had grown much more passionate. He could still pinpoint the exact moment he had fallen in love with her. He could even tell you what she was wearing and how she smelled.

He didn't think he could love her more than that but promising forever to her on a sandy beach intensified his love so much for her that it hurt. And it terrified him. Here he was, seventeen, not even a senior and giving his whole world to someone else. His fears subsided and passed but eventually the same stifling feeling he felt when he said 'I do' was returning and he needed out.

While blissful, it was tough. While whole heartedly supporting their life decision, they choose to keep their parents outside of their marriage. The stress of school and jobs and sports bogged down their once care free relationship. And eventually the dates became less and the arguments more.

But he never stopped loving her.

And maybe that was his problem now. After all this time, her eyes and her voice haunted his dreams. He couldn't let her go for the life of him. That was the other problem. It was costly him his life. While he didn't expect her to, he had remained faithful to her, terrified of losing yet another thing that they had shared firstly and together.

Fear. That was the common thread that had driven him in his actions for the past seven years. Once, while in Mexico, he had read that a life lived in fear is a life half lived. He had realized then that he was still running after all these years. Running scared and running stupidly.

He was a coward by any definition of the word. He had let fear and a lack of courage ran rampant through his life. Yes, he was a naïve, scared kid when he had took a vow for life. But he had the courage to go through with it. He had the courage when he asked her to marry him. But he was a coward leaving her in the cover of night.

His father had taught him to face fear head on. There wasn't anything in life to fear that would force us not to confront it eye to eye. The values instilled in him from birth were thrown out the window, right along with all sanity and reason. But as much growing up and living he had done, one thing still lingered from that kid running away from home.

Fear.

The fear of what was to come upon his arrival home. Did he expect a welcome mat and open arms? No, not by any means. He sent a postcard once a month from wherever he was at the moment and that was the only form of communication he had with his parents. He didn't own a phone and lived out of a suitcase.

Disappointment was the other reigning factor in his life. His parents, his brother, his friends, and he dare say his wife were clearly the people he had disappointed most in his life. Not to mention his own burden that he carried on his sleeve like a dingy cufflink. It wasn't at all like he pictured his life would be like.

The image he created in his mind for his life with her was big and beautiful and full of promise. When he crept out of her life so many years ago, he did picture his life pretty dreary and painful but not nearly as bad as what it had turned out to be. Bad food, sleepless nights, and lonely bus rides filled his miserable existence.

It made him wonder what he was so afraid of.

His parents had paid his way through college, not ever knowing where he was, and after four years he sent him his degree in teaching. He only got it for the soul purpose of when he finally did decide to grow up and come home, he would have a career. He had at least thought that far ahead.

Afterwards, he traveled from town to city and to countries, his only income coming from meager and useless jobs that put him in a decent bed and food in his mouth. But it thought him to survive and he experienced more than what he had expected to in the few years he had been away.

And now he was coming home. His mother wrote him once telling him that he could run away however long he wanted to but he would come back. He had left his heart there, a life isn't worth living unless you've got the heart to do it. He had missed his mother and her warm smile that accompanied her open ear and helpful advice.

His father was also sorely missed. Apart from the fact that he had grown up, his father's ailing health was another deciding factor in his return home. It was cancer and it was eating the once strong and surly man to a point of atrophy. And it made him feel extremely guilty.

His brother was his best friend. His fraternal twin, growing up they had been in separable. He was beyond his years in wisdom and soul and he had counseled him many times. Ultimately, it was his words of advice that led him to leave her. He had come to him in desperation, scared out of his mind, and simply his brother had shone the light. He wondered if his brother ever thought his simple words would cause him to leave all together.

Her. The one. Thoughts and dreams of her enveloped his mind constantly. The smallest of things brought back the smallest of memories. And he remembered everything. He didn't know if he had subconsciously choose to remember everything about her to prepare him for the seven years of loneness, but he didn't think he forgot a single thing.

He could still distinctively tell you how she smelt and if he held his eyes closed real tight, he could almost feel her milky skin on his fingertips. He could almost feel her silky hair running through his hand and her smooth lips on his own. Almost, if he focused enough, he could see her standing there in the distance, like a mirage to torture his soul.

She always told him almost doesn't count.

He knew the love she had for him was deep, untouched, and he knew he had hurt her badly. And while she was the most forgiving and compassionate person he knew, she was also a force to be reckoned with. But while fear and disappointment ruled his heart before, a new force rested there now.

Hope.

He looked up from the road to the sign his headlights were now shining brightly on. He was home. His heart, his love, was practically, literally right around the corner.

Welcome to Tree Hill.

_The time I would spend with pictures I would not send._

_I watched you go from left to right._

_I followed you all night across my blinds._

_You'll change your mind come Monday and turn your back on me._

_You'll take your steps away with hesitance._

_Take your steps away from me._

_I'm making my peace, making it with distance._

_Maybe that's a big mistake._

_You know I'm thinking of you._

_I miss you._

_You'll change your mind come Monday and turn your back on me._

_You'll take your steps away with hesitance._

_You'll take your steps away from me._

_You'll change your mind come Monday and turn your back on me._

_Take your steps away with hesitance._

_Take your steps away from me._

Life was wacky sometimes. Even while you think you have the best laid plans, the best of intentions, life has a way of working in kinks and curveballs and heartache when you didn't think it would exist there. And she certainly didn't think life was gonna end up like this. She wondered if he would ever come home.

Seven years, three months, one week, six days, nine hours, and twelve minutes. Give or take a few.

She saw him get up that night. Sleepily, she watched him roll over, kiss her on the lips, and walk away. She did nothing to stop him. She assumed he was going to the bathroom. Almost instantly she had fallen back to sleep, knowing that in the morning she would be in his arms. In the lonely light of morning, she almost instantly knew she had assumed wrong.

She could've chosen the harder way. She could've chosen the path to a downward spiral. But as she contemplated her options, an old poem popped into her brain and she knew what she had to do. It had been her mission statement from day one, and while heartache was rushing through her now empty heart, she choose the better option.

The road less traveled.

And it had made all the difference. Of course she mourned, and of course she was hurt. She was angry and worried. She was still in love and still hopeful. No one thought so, but the usual walks in the rain that had frequented her life before were now for the soul purpose of releasing the tears she refused to let anyone else see.

The day the annulment papers came was the biggest dose of reality she could take. Somehow, she thought that a slap in the face, a punch in the gut, would hurt far less than seeing his name sprawled across the appropriate lines. After a day of memories and tears, painfully, but almost freely, she signed her name too.

But all the sad emotions and grief and worry eventually transformed into life. Into moving on. He wasn't coming back and she had to accept that. And while the leaving hurt her a great deal, it was the realization that he wasn't going to return to her that cut her the deepest.

She wondered where she had failed and if she had proven her worth to him. Almost as instantly as the thought had fluttered through her mind, it was shaken off completely. No, she knew he loved her more than anything and more than himself. Clearly, it was something he had to do and eventually the wounds healed and silently she forgave him.

Forgetting him, now that was a completely different struggle all in itself.

In time, she had finished her education and threw herself into her work. Nursing was her true calling, she could tell you that when she was just a little girl. She wasn't just some ordinary nurse; she nursed children with cancer. She had the compassion and the will and while people didn't understand it, they didn't doubt that she was damn good at it either. Now however, she nursed her ailing father in law.

Most people found it strange for her to accept it and move on. But most people didn't realize how much she truly understood him. Friends told her it was okay to cry and family told her to be strong. The common chant was to let go. It was hard telling her heart and her head to get on the same wave length.

Then one day it happened. A new day had come.

She had finally moved on. It was strange, almost foreign to open her heart up to someone new. And while she doubted he had, she hoped that he had done the same. She couldn't live in the past and more so, she refused to. He was a different time, a different life and she was now a different woman. She wasn't the child bride she was years before.

She had remarried. It was sad, happy, and bittersweet all rolled into one event. She almost had to force herself down the aisle and to her new husband. Flashes of their small ceremony on the beach filled her eyes and blurred her vision before she shook them away and continued walking. When her new husband promised her the sun, the moon, and all the stars, the tears cascading down her cheeks weren't purely those of joy.

Now, with two years of marriage behind the young couple, they were embarking on their next step. Children. It guilted her to think so, but she felt wrong now making babies without her first love, her true love. They had discussed it with glee and anticipation, dreaming of names and building a description of the perfect combination of the two of them.

And now, she was doing it with her second husband. Her second choice. Of course she loved him, and cared for him a great deal. She felt that it was a good thing people didn't go around saying 'I'm in love with you' for a greeting or parting for the norm, otherwise she would be lying. She meant when she said that she loved him as just that; love. Quite possibly mixed in with a dose of compassion, respect, and appreciation.

Tonight found her feeling pretty dreary. Her husband slash best buddy was out of town for business and with the rain steadily pouring down outside, she sat at the kitchen counter drinking her third cup of coffee. Running her finger on the rim of the cup, she sighed watching her glitzy wedding band twinkle in the moon light.

It wasn't like the one that she first had worn so proudly. Being seventeen with minimum wage jobs and a new home to support, they couldn't afford the luxuries of a fancy wedding or attire for that matter. They settled on simple matching gold bands which now rested in a small velvet bag in a box she kept deep in her closet; just like the memories she held deep in her heart.

He had contacted her exactly once. She had almost missed it. Rushing in from work with her small arms carrying groceries, she cursed the ringing phone. Exasperated, she had practically thrown the bags on the floor and made a mad dash for the phone and mouthed a breathless greeting only to be met by silence. It almost irritated her a few moments until it occurred to her who it was. That in itself rendered her speechless and before he could hang up she breathed two simple words.

"I know."

She didn't know what she knew when she said it but now she understood. She knew he was sorry, afraid, loving, missing her. It was that phone call that almost made her not walk down the aisle. But she had. She become someone else wife and companion and once she said 'I do' she hadn't regretted it for an instant.

A knocking the door was interrupting her trip down memory lane. It was nearing ten, and she wondered who could possibly be here this late. She grabbed her coffee and padded to the front door. Wrapping her robe tighter around her, she frowned not being able to make out the shadowy figure that was waiting in the dark and cold.

Opening the door slowly, she dropped the mug to the floor and heard it shatter along with her heart. There he was wet, dripping, and shaking from the cold. She looked up, locking her eyes with his own blue ones. Hoping, praying that it wasn't a fabrication of her imagination she hesitantly placed both hands on his chest and started crying realizing that it wasn't.

He was home.

"Nathan."


	2. Hot Cocoa and Heartache

**A/N: Okay, so I'm writing this story and I'm getting a weird vibe from it. I dunno, but I'm not sure if this is gonna be a happy Naley. All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up. Try not to hate me too much after this chapter. So anyway, enjoy and review. **

Hot Cocoa and Heartache

He was home. Her mind, her heart, her very soul went into overdrive seeing him right in front of her. Her hands were still on his chest and she could very strongly feel his heart pounding beneath her fingers. She let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding and biting her lip, chocked back the flow of tears that were starting to fall over again.

She studied him for a few moments; he was dripping wet of course and slightly shivering. His once longer hair was now shaved off, making him look to an extent, older. But he was still handsome as ever. He looked concerned and somewhat scared and she could only imagine the look she had on her face now as well.

He took his time memorizing her face all over again. It wasn't like he had forgotten that mouth, those eyes, and everything in between. But like himself, she was older now; and age certainly agreed with her. Her once blonde hair was now back to her darker roots which were pulled into a messy bun. No longer was the fresh teenage girl he married years ago; standing before him was a graceful woman.

"Haley." He spoke for the first time and she closed her eyes at the sound of her name on his lips. She allowed herself to be enveloped by his now bigger arms ignoring her own clothes being dampened. And almost as suddenly as she stepped into them, she was stepping away, shaking her head; knowing this was something she could not do.

"You're, you're soaking wet. Come in so you can get dried up." She told him stepping aside and allowing him to enter. She led him to the guest bathroom, rummaged through a cupboard and handed him a towel which he gratefully accepted. She slipped out and moments later she had returned with a pair of sweats. More specifically, Keith's Body Shop sweats.

He nodded his head in thanks and she walked out of the bathroom gently shutting the door behind her. Resting up against the door, she sighed, barely able to hold her emotions in check. His smell still wafted though the air and it struck her that in all the years, it had remained the same.

But was he the same?

Was she?

She pushed herself off the door and made the trek to the kitchen. The mug previously broken from shock still lie on the floor along with her heart that had shattered as well. She pulled out another mug, plus one and set the kettle on the stove, turning on the eye. Taking out two packs of cocoa, she opened them up, pouring the contents into the cup all the while thinking back to a time when she had last done so.

"It's been a long time since we've done this." Nathan said awkwardly sitting on the stool at the counter. Haley nodded and took a seat beside him placing her chon in both her hands and staring at the steaming kettle.

It had been a while.

Flashback

_Nathan and Haley laughed running in the slight drizzle of rain up the café steps. They had just left Tree Hill High's annual boy toy auction and Haley had a change of heart at the last minute and bid on Nathan. Which meant that all her small savings was plunked down for a night with her best friend. _

_Something she could've had anyway._

"_I can't believe I dropped 200 bucks on your sorry ass." Haley chuckled as she accepted the towel Nathan handed her and began drying off her hair. _

"_I can't believe it either. You seriously stopped me from getting any action." He snickered as she rolled her eyes. _

"_You and I both know that wouldn't have happened."_

"_Yeah, well whatever. You're gonna wish you didn't pick me though."_

"_Oh yeah?" she challenged raising up her eyebrows. Nathan smirked before rushing around the counter and chasing after her. Haley laughed, dropping the towel and began running upstairs towards the roof. _

"_Hales?" Nathan called once he reached the roof seeing no sign of her. He weaved through the makeshift golf course he, Lucas, and Haley had built years ago in search of Haley herself. He stopped, looked around, and turned to head back but was hit in the face with a water balloon. _

_Wait. Was that milk?_

"_Haley!" he screamed and was met with yet another balloon, this time filled with water that impacted with his chest. He looked up to see her coming from behind her hiding place innocently biting her finger and holding what was obviously another balloon behind her back. _

"_Now Nate; you're suppose to be an athlete. Aren't athletes supposed to have better reflexes than that?" _

"_You are so getting it!" he yelled starting his sprint towards her which caused her to drop the balloon and start running. He finally caught up with her and grabbed her around the waist, spinning them both around until they fell on the ground. "Where are the other balloons?"_

"_What other balloons?" she asked feigning ignorance. _

"_What other ball…you're a real smartass you know. But I've got one up on you kid."_

"_And what's that?" she dared looking directly in his eyes. He smirked, which was never a good thing, and slashed a milk balloon on her chest; completely soaking her tank top. Her eyes widened in surprise and her jaw dropped in shock._

"_You cannot compete with the master." Nathan said triumphantly. Haley smirked in return and turned on her heal, walking away. It took Nathan a few minutes to respond but he found himself following her back down the stairs to the café. "Haley?" he called out once he reached the bottom only to be met with one of his mother's pie right in the face. _

"_Who's the master now?" Haley giggled surveying her handy work. Nathan thought a moment as the majority of the pie slide off of his face and onto the floor. Before Haley could react Nathan was lunging at her making them both fall on the floor with a thud. _

"_You know Hales; this Key Lime pie is so good." Nathan said licking his lips. "You should really have some."_

"_Oh no. Nathan don't you…" she was interrupted by Nathan rubbing his face all over hers making them both start laughing hysterically. She was still giggling and swiping at her face, but Nathan was too busy staring at her. _

_God, she was beautiful. _

"_Okay I know that I have a ton of crap on my face but you don't have to stare." She chuckled. Her laughed stopped mid throat noticing the intent and serious look on his face. She went to say something but was cut off by his lips upon her own. Slowly, she opened her mouth for the entrance he was silently begging for. _

_It was magical. _

"_What was that for?" she whispered once their kiss had been broken. He reached his hand up, pushing her hair out of her face and kissed her nose. He didn't answer her, he wasn't sure how, and got up, helping her along the way. _

"_Cocoa?" he offered setting down two mugs as she took a seat at the counter. He went into the kitchen preparing the liquid concoction as she quietly looked on, touching her lips where his had just lingered. He reemerged a few minutes later and poured the water all the while never looking at her. _

_Nathan looked up at the clock and realizing it was midnight frowned slightly. His emotions swirled around as he tried his best to look everywhere but her sweet face looking at him with curiosity and concern. He looked down to see her gingerly sipping her cocoa eyeing him; deciphering his expression no doubt. _

_He walked around the counter and took a seat beside her and she looked up him quizzically and almost giggled seeing him fidget so much. He was nervous, that much was evident, she just wasn't sure about what. Her only logical answer was that maybe he was asking her to the formal. _

_How wrong she was. _

"_Hales," he started and she turned to face him. Hesitantly he reached up cupping her face in his hand and bent down to kiss her once more. This time, it was softer, gentler, and he caressed her cheek as he did so._

_And once again she was breathless. _

"_I love you." He murmured against her lips. It was then, as a smile began to tug at her lips against his own that she realized. _

"_I love you." She assured him and grinned happily as his eyes popped open in surprise and kissed her more passionately. _

End Flashback

Nathan couldn't tell you then how he had realized staring at her pie covered face that he was in love with her, but now being reflective; he could tell you exactly how. Staring at her face, her infectious laugh filling the air around him, he knew that he needed her.

He supposed the gut feeling had always been there; whenever she fell asleep in his arms or held his hand dragging him into whatever thrift shop she was exploring that day; the tingling sensation that ran down to his gut at her touch. And as corny as it may seem, looking into her hazel eyes then, he saw his future and he knew he could never leave that.

But he had.

And now, they were sitting in almost the exact situation eight years later from that night. There were no stolen kisses or outrageous laughter. There were no affectionate words spoken between them. The innocence, the love, was now replaced with an awkward silence that hug thick in the air.

Haley had learned long ago the on and off switch to her emotions. While she had broken down before, she was calm and collected now and trying to make sense of it all. How could he be back? After so long and not a word breathed between them he had come home.

His home was not longer with her.

"How's my dad?" he asked breaking the silence. Haley looked at him thoughtfully before biting her lip and opening her mouth.

"He doesn't have very long Nate."

"I figured you would tell me the truth." He said nodding his head. "God knows Mom's avoiding it like the plague."

"You're mom doesn't want it to be real."

"Just because you don't want things to be real doesn't mean they aren't a reality anyway." He responded sadly.

"What are you doing here?" she said softly clearing her throat. He gulped, hoping to avoid that inevitable question as long as possible.

"Hales…"

"No, don't you dare." She warned firmly. "How dare you come back after all these years and into my life."

"I don't know what to say." He told her honestly.

"How about an 'I'm sorry.'? How about an explanation? I think after all these years, I'd like to understand why you left. But what I don't understand is why you couldn't say goodbye. I woke up and you were gone. What was I suppose to do without you?" she yelled, her anger and hurt getting the best of her.

"I couldn't be your husband then."

"Clearly." She retorted standing up and walking around the counter where she began pacing.

"I was a kid Haley." he protested which only seemed to enrage her more.

"So was I! I wasn't even a senior! But I married you and I would've stayed with you no matter what! I loved you!"

"I lo…"

"Don't. You will not say that to me. You wanna know how much I loved you? I would've waited for you! I would've sat and cried and pined for you until the day you came back. You ended it; you sent those awful papers and made our whole marriage and our whole love disappear. As if it never happened." She yelled, tears chocking her voice.

Nathan shook his head, struggling to contain his own tears from falling. He wouldn't look at her, instead found a great interest in the floor, and willed himself to block out her weeping. Finally, he looked up in time to see her crumple to the floor as she trembled from the sobs wracking her tiny body.

"This isn't fair." She finally cried slamming her fist down on the floor. Nathan scrambled off the stool and onto the floor beside her. He reached for her and she keep smacking his hand away until she finally caved and allowed him to envelope her.

"I came back for you. I love you." He whispered into her hair. She sniffled a bit before looking up and into his eyes, slightly shaking her head.

"You were gone for so long…things changed." She told him reaching up to caress his cheek. It was then that Nathan noticed the glint of a ring on her finger.

A wedding ring.

One that didn't match his own.

"Oh God." He said quietly moving away from her grasp.

"Nathan, he…"

"No, I don't wanna know who he is or how much he loves you. " Nathan said shaking off any attempt she made to tell him. "This was a mistake and I'm sorry."

"Wait!" she protested meekly as Nathan stood on his feet. "You can't leave me again."

"If I don't leave now, I'll never leave. You're married Haley." He told her, the words getting caught in his throat. For someone to be her husband and not him; it was quite foreign to him. "I…I gotta go."

"Nathan wait!" Haley pleaded but to no avail as Nathan walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway. He was almost at the door when a certain picture caught his eye in the living room placed prominently on the mantle.

No, it couldn't be.

He changed his destination and picked up the frame gingerly tracing his finger around her image. She didn't have on the simple sundress and bare feet; there wasn't an ocean and setting sun for a back drop, and that certainly wasn't his smiling face staring back at him. He turned around when he heard her stumble into the room, a look a pure horror on her face.

"You married _him_?"

"Nathan, you have to understand…"

"Hales? Babe, I'm home." She heard her husband call out from the front door and winced. "Hales? Oh hey babe." He said coming into the living room, placing a kiss on her lips completely oblivious to Nathan standing just a few feet way. Finally, he looked up once Nathan cleared his throat.

"Oh God. Nathan."

"Lucas."

**Ok Katy you can hate me now. Bash me all you want but I know you'll like this. :) Oh by the way, it's hilarious that Lifetime Piling Up is on your alert list. lol. Seeing how you already know the story and the ending. But hey, I'm writing another chapter that will be the ending. ;). I think you'll like it. Later chica.**


	3. Brotherly Loathe

**A/N: So hopefully this chapter doesn't suck too bad. It took me forever to get it out and I still don't think the end result is that great. I realize that this story is going kinda slow, but it'll get going soon enough. Uh, we find out about Brooke this chapter; I knowa lot of you have been asking about that. So uh, read, review, and enjoy. Thanks to everyone so far who has reviewed. You guys rock. **

**A/N2: So this chapter title is a song by Too Bad Eugene. What's funny is I've never even heard of this song, or the band ofthat matterbut I was looking for a title and happened to come across this. And the ironic thing is the actual song kinda fits this story. So check it out. Or not. either way I thought it was weird. **

Brotherly Loathe

This was some cruel joke. No, this was a mistake. _Of course_ she had moved on. How selfish could he get? He left her. If he loved her as much as he claimed, her happiness was the most important to him; whether that was with him or not. And somehow he just knew waltzing back into her life just messed that up.

She married _him_.

Lucas.

His _best friend_.

His _brother_.

"I uh, I'm sorry. This, this was a mistake." Nathan stammered out, gently placing the frame back on the mantle. "I uh, I'm going to go."

"Nathan I," Lucas said struggling to talk to his brother for the first time in his life. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I gotta go." Nathan repeated making the action of putting on foot in front of the other. He had to; he couldn't stay there any longer. Lucas made the move to come towards him but Nathan held up his hand. "Don't. Just, Luke, stay away from me."

"Nathan wait!" Lucas protested as Nathan walked past him giving Haley a final glance and walked out the door. For the first time Lucas looked at Haley, _his_ wife, and noticed the unstable condition she was in.

"He's back." She whispered almost to herself learning up against the doorway. Lucas was her mirror image staring out into the dark, watching the rain slowing come to a stop. He knew what this meant; for years he had been competing with a ghost and now he was in full form.

He was in danger of losing her.

"What does this mean Hales?" Lucas asked quietly clearing his throat. She looked at him, a blank expression on her face and tried her best to put up a brave front.

"It means nothing." She lied and she was aware that he knew she was. It meant everything. Lucas sighed running a hand over his tired face and shook his head.

This was going to change their whole world.

"I'm going to go find him." Lucas announced and Haley didn't look at him. He walked over to her and took her head in his hand and kissed her on the forehead allowing her to lean into this body. She choked back the tears that were forming and gently shoved him away.

"Go." She told him leaning up and kissing him softly on the lips.

Thankfully the rain had stopped completely and Lucas made the walk from his home with Haley to the home he had made years ago with Nathan. The short distance to the river court was made in less than ten minutes and Lucas could see him shooting the basketball flawlessly into the hoop.

"Nathan." He called out hands shoved into his jacket pockets. Nathan looked at him briefly before continuing dribbling and shooting the ball.

"What do you want Luke?" Nathan asked, a coldness in his voice Lucas had never heard directed towards him.

"Don't you think we should talk?"

"Hmm, let me think about that…nope. It's a little too late for that." _Swoosh_.

"So what? You're just back all of a sudden after seven years and expect everything to be the same? You were gone a long time Nate."

"I know that!" Nathan exploded throwing the ball against the backboard which Lucas caught. "What happened to Brooke huh? Mom told me you were engaged. What the hell happened to that?"

"Brooke died Nate." Lucas said sadly. "Four years ago; she was hit by a drunk driver. "

Nathan didn't respond to his brother's news. He supposed that it wouldn't have made a difference if he had known. He wasn't ready then to come home, even for one of his good friend's funereal. So much had happened in seven years…

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way…"

"This way huh? How about a phone call? A telegram? Smoke signals? How long Lucas?"

"Two years." Lucas whispered much to Nathan's dismay. "And I'll have you know, it's been the happiest two years of my life."

"Well it's great to be you huh?" Nathan retorted sarcastically.

"You left her! You had the greatest gift in the world and you just walked away! You had no idea what you were leaving behind!" Lucas shouted at his slightly older brother.

"I know exactly what I left behind! It killed me walking away from Haley but I did it for her. Don't you understand?"

"No, no I don't. Because if you loved her and she loved you then what was there to figure out? Yeah Nathan, you were a kid. We all were kids. But growing up means you don't just run away when things get tough. You stick around for the long haul. You promised that to her when you married her."

"I know my vows Lucas." Nathan warned in a low voice. "And I still mean them."

"Did you mean it when you said 'in good times and bad'?" Lucas responded. Nathan shook his head and went to turn around to walk away; he didn't want to get in a fight with his brother. "I love her." Lucas called out after him, stopping Nathan mid stride.

"How could you not?" Nathan replied turning around. "It's impossible not to fall in love with her."

"I've always loved her. You knew that."

"So did I! She was mine! My Haley."

"My wife."

"How could you? I trusted you to keep her safe and protected while I was gone."

"I did Nathan. I was there every single day that you weren't."

Nathan was fighting a losing battle. Lucas had every right and every reason to be fighting for her; his wife. God, how much he hated saying that. In his head, he knew that to be true. That however was not his reasoning with his heart. But the fact remained that he couldn't do this. However much he hated to admit this, he wasn't strong enough.

He had to let them go; both of them.

"I cannot do this with you Lucas." Nathan responded tiredly. "You're my brother and I love you; I can't have a reason to hate you."

"So where does this leave us?"

"I dunno. I know this is my fault; all of it. Yeah, I let her go. I had to; I would've ended up resenting her for holding me back. Back from what, I don't know. I just, how could no one tell me?"

"I didn't want to." Lucas said simply. "I knew it would hurt you and I couldn't do that to you."

"But you could marry the love of my life huh? Like that didn't cut the deepest." Nathan replied, clenching his fist.

"She's the love of my life too Nate."

"Yeah well only one of us is the love of hers; I wonder who that could be."

"I'd like to say that would be me." Lucas replied softly. "But you and I both know that is most likely not the truth."

"She married you Lucas." Nathan said, the next words out of his mouth getting caught in his throat. "Her heart is with you."

"She married you first." Lucas pointed out.

"Damn Luke. Will you stop trying to find everything negative to say? Yes, I want her back but I'm not begging and pleading for her. She's married to you and you're a good guy Luke. I know you'll be happy together. I'm here for Dad okay? Make my peace and I'll get out of your lives once again."

"You can't just leave again." Lucas protested. "We're still brothers; best friends."

"We're brothers Luke and we always will be. But we'll never be best friends again. You did what you had to do to be happy and I respect you for that but you crossed a boundary there. I can't let that go."

"So it's either her or you?"

"It's her Luke. There's no 'or'. Not with her; she's too special."

"Wow. You really have grown up."

Nathan nodded, letting the silence envelop them. Saying those things to his brother ripped his very heart out. But he saw the love in his brother's eyes and knew it was the same in his own. They were in love with the same woman. Nathan wasn't sure if he still held Haley's heart and in truth, he didn't want to know. If he knew that if he did he would stop at nothing to fight for her. And he just couldn't do that to Lucas.

**Flashback**

_Freshly turned sixteen year olds Nathan and Lucas were down at the river court enjoying a competitive game of one on one. If Nathan scored, Lucas was making a basket right afterwards pitting the two brothers neck and neck with one another. It couldn't have been more fun. _

_Swish. _

"_I win." Nathan smirked knocking fists with his brother. Lucas scoffed taking a sip of water from their bottle and passed it to Nathan. "Don't be hate the player."_

"_Whatever." Lucas shook his head taking a seat on the bleachers followed by Nathan a few seconds later. _

"_What's wrong with you? Troubles in paradise?"_

"_No, things with Brooke are great. I just, I don't know if she's the one for me." _

"_Seriously? Luke we're barely sixteen; I don't think we're suppose to know who's the one for us." Nathan replied chuckling. _

"_I do." Lucas said staring off into the horizon before looking at Nathan. "There's someone else."_

"_You're cheating on Brooke!" Nathan exploded jumping up to which Lucas quickly pulled him back down. _

"_No, I'm not cheating on Brooke. I wouldn't do that to her. I just, I dunno. There's this girl and I, I think I'm in love Nate."_

"_Luke man, that's kinda drastic. Don't you think you're a little too young to be in love with someone? Someone who isn't even your girlfriend no less?" Nathan reasoned. _

"_No, not really when you can't see your life with anyone else. When you can't breathe thinking about her. When you think about her constantly. It's insane, I know but I can't help it." _

"_Well who is it?" Nathan asked but got a blank expression and silence from Lucas. He followed his gaze up to where they say Haley walking towards them._

"_No one." Lucas whispered._

**End Flashback**

Nathan didn't connect the dots then. He was too busy trying to ignore his own stomach's fluttering to notice his brother gulp and rub his hands on his pants from sweat. But his wedding day, that was a whole other story in itself. Lucas had confessed to him, minutes before taking his life vow, his love for his best friend and brother's fiancé.

**Flashback**

_Nathan sat in the back of his father's car tugging at his tie, trying his best to get it on straight. He snickered realizing that Haley was usually the one to do this and now she was going to be doing it for their rest of their lives. She was his and in turn he was hers. He jerked his head to the opening car door and watched as Lucas climbed in, sat down, and handed him a package. _

"_What's this?" Nathan asked taking it from Lucas' hands. _

"_From Haley." Lucas replied and Nathan nodded and opened the envelope attached to it. _

_**So soon to be husband, change of plans. No, I'm not ditching you but I am ditching this ridiculous dress. So throw these on and forget the shoes. I love you and I can't wait to marry you. All my love, Haley. **_

"_Oh thank God." Nathan muttered pulling out the simple white collared shirt and khaki shorts. "Turn around so I can change." He told Lucas. _

"_Nate? I need to tell you something." Lucas said, his back turned to Nathan. _

"_Well spit it out Luke. I'm about to get married. You can turn around now."_

"_I'm in love with someone." Lucas continued and Nathan rolled his eyes. "I'm in love with Haley."_

"_You wanna run that by me again Luke?" Nathan asked anger seeping in. "I'm about to marry her and you want to tell me that your in love with her?"_

"_I just, I thought you should know. She's not in love with me though; she loves you."_

"_I know that. That's why she agreed to marry me. Look Lucas, I love her; more than anything. "_

"_I'm stealing her away from you. I just want her happy and I know she's happy with you. Just don't hurt her."_

**End Flashback**

In the end though, he had hurt her. He hurt himself and his family and everyone in between. Even now though, when he thought things couldn't be more screwed up he still felt that his decision when he was sixteen was the right one. The boy he was then was no longer evident. He had grown into the man he knew she would be proud of.

"I'm not stealing her away from you Luke. I just want her happy and I know she's happy with you. Just don't hurt her."


	4. Ever the Same

**A/N: It sucked getting this chapter out. this whole story is kinda hard to write because i'm not sure at all where I'm taking it. Anyway, hope you like it enough. Anywho, there's not naley this chapter but there will be Laley next chapter Anyway, enjoy. :) Drop some words.**

Ever the Same

Nathan didn't wait for his brother's response before walking way for good this time. He knew his father didn't have long and how selfish as it sounded, he wanted, needed to get this trip over with. When he drove there just hours before he thought he was going home. Now, he realized it was just a temporary visit.

Going to his father's house now was out of the question. He didn't think he could face his mother; having so longed kept the truth from him. His goal when leaving was to grow up and he had. So why couldn't' his mother save him the humiliation and utter hurt when he had asked about Lucas? About Haley?

So that left him virtually no where to go. A hotel was an option of course but that had been his home for the past three years. He needed to feel comfortable but alone. In the company of friends was the clear choice but with two married to one another; with that cutting him close to his heart, he only had one other option.

He hadn't spoken to her in years. He wondered if she would even allow him back into her life. Not really one to deal with abandonment easily, he hadn't left her a goodbye either. His mother told him she had gotten pregnant and married right before graduation and was fairly happy.

It seemed everyone was happy but himself.

Stepping up to her door he went to knock but hesitated. Was it worth the risk of getting his ass kicked for not only leaving her but coming to her house so late at night? He decided that if there was one person that would be there for him but let him have his space it was her; because she worked exactly the same way.

So he knocked.

And waited.

He was about to knock once more but it fell on thin air as she pulled open the door. Gone were the grungy Converse and punk t shirts. Replacing ripped blue jeans were flannel pajama bottoms and a slight bump protruding through her camisole top. Groggily she rubbed her eyes pushing her blonde curls out of her face.

"Nate?" she asked tiredly.

"Hey Peyt." He said softly in return and in an instant she was on her tipy toes, her arms around his neck.

"You're home." She whispered in his ear and Nathan nudged her back down to where he could look at her. She knew, looking into his eyes that he knew. "I'm so sorry Nate."

"Wow. Look at you." He smiled changing the subject and placing his hands on her rounding belly. She gave him a small smile and gently tugged on his hand bringing him inside her home. She put her fingers to her lips to make sure he was quiet and led him into the kitchen.

"The kids are asleep." She told him taking a seat at the round kitchen table.

"Kids?" Nathan asked taking the seat directly across from her. She chuckled slightly and nodded her head.

"A lot has changed in seven years."

"Don't I know it." He muttered and she frowned. "Tell me about everything Peyton. You're the only brutally honest one."

"I wasn't before Brooke died." she replied and Nathan winced. "She passed a few weeks before she and Lucas were supposed to get married."

"No one told me."

"We kinda made that as a group decision; for Haley. I mean she was just at a point where she was moving on you know? It took her a while to get better after you left and when you sent the annulment papers it kinda delayed the process. And that was around the same time Brooke died and it was just a lot to take it."

"I messed up Peyt." He told her placing his hands on the table, his wedding band still present on his ring finger.

She debated whether or not to tell him the whole truth to what happened after he left. While Haley didn't sink into oblivion once her husband left her, she suffered another tragedy that took her far longer to get over. But looking at Nathan now, how broken he seemed, she decided that it would be best if Haley herself told him the entire story.

"But you don't regret it." She concluded and he nodded.

She knew him so well.

"I don't think I would be the guy, the person I am today without doing what I had to do. I hated leaving her and I knew that I was hurting her and that just made it all the worse. And now…"

"Now you know how she felt. How Lucas felt when you married her."

"But you gotta believe me Peyt; I didn't think he loved her that much. He told me he did but I mean we were still in high school."

"So were you Nate. How do you know that what you felt was real? That much?" Peyton countered.

"I told her." He said simply. "I told her, I showed her how much I loved her. I took the initiative because I wanted to be with her. I couldn't imagine my life without her."

"You may not have imagined it Nate, but you lived it." she told him as he hung his head in shame and picked at the kitchen table. She studied him for a few moments before realization hit her. "You're not staying are you?"

"I don't have much to stay for now do I?"

"Her."

"So you gonna tell me who you whipped enough to marry you?" he asked ignoring her response and once again changing the topic of discussion from him to her. Peyton sighed realizing that she wasn't going to get anywhere; that he had already shut down.

"Well he didn't really have a choice once he knocked me up." She smirked shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"Peyton Sawyer getting knocked up. Who would've thought that?"

"Peyton Jagelski now thank you. "

"Seriously? Jake? That's really great Peyton. He's a good guy." Nathan replied honestly.

"He's a great husband and father too. Jenny will be seven soon; Jacob is four and the twins will be here in just a few months." She smiled patting her belly.

"A real Suzy homemaker huh?" he teased and she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I don't think Ms. Gluhusky from home economics would believe it considering I nearly burnt down the entire school."

"I think we played football with that uh,"

"That sorry excuse for a cake, uh huh, yeah." She laughed and took his hand into her own. "I don't know what to say to you kid."

"There's nothing you really can say."

"Did you at least talk to Lucas?"

"Oh yeah, we talked alright. Did you know he was in love with her in high school? He told me the day I got married to her."

"He told me." Peyton confessed. "It was awkward because Brooke was one of my best friends and her boyfriend was telling me that he was in love with our other best friend. I didn't know what to do. I mean I told him to tell you but I didn't think he'd do it the day of your wedding. "

"He was the one to convince me to leave." Nathan revealed at Peyton nearly spit out her coffee.

"Uh, explain."

Flashback

_Nathan sat at the river court, ball in hand spinning around, contemplating his situation. While he didn't regret for a second marrying Haley, the timing was all wrong. They were too young. Their six month anniversary was fast approaching and the arguments were increasing. _

_He was lost._

"_Isn't normally my thing to do the broody thing?" Lucas said coming up to him and shaking his head. He took a seat beside his brother and let the silence consume them for a few moments. "What's the matter?"_

"_Do you remember when we joined the team?" Nathan asked and Lucas nodded. "It was like the best it could get. It was our dream coming true."_

"_Yeah…Nate I don't see where you're going with this."_

"_Well it was a dream at the time but then we missed out on stuff; practice was tiring and consuming we really didn't have time for any of it." _

"_No, we didn't and that's why I quit. It wasn't really a dream anymore."_

"_Why did you quit?"_

"_It wasn't something I wanted at the time. I wanted time with my friends and I didn't feel like basketball was in my future. And I still don't feel that way. It's not about right now Nate; it's about the future and who you're going to be."_

"_I don't know who I'm supposed to be."_

"_You gotta do what you need to so you can figure that out. Nobody and nothing can do that but you." Lucas responded patting his brother on the shoulder. "You know, Haley makes you a better person. You two are good for one another."_

"_We're fighting so much Luke. We never see each other anymore. Practice and school and work; it consumes us. We're so tired sometimes that we can barely hold open our eyes. And she's talking about not going to Stanford which is ridiculous. I don't want to hold her back from anything."_

"_Then don't." Lucas said simply. "It's hard Nate and it's gonna be. But she's you're wife and you gotta do what's best for her."_

End Flashback

"I don't think he realized it at the time but that's what made me decide to leave. I don't think I handled it in the best way possible but I couldn't hold her back." Nathan finished as Peyton nodded in sympathy.

"So why did you leave without a word?"

"Because I knew that if I told her that I wanted to leave it would hurt her. I couldn't do that to her. It was selfish, I know, but I couldn't help her. I had to leave but I couldn't pick up the pieces."

"That's okay Nathan. It hard hurting the people we love."

"Are you close to her?"

"Haley? Yeah, I am. We both bonded a bit more once Brooke passed. " she paused searching for the right words. "She's still in love with you Nate."

"Peyton…"

"No, I mean it. The day she married Lucas…well lets just say she almost pulled a Jules."

Flashback

_Peyton made her way through the throngs of people mingling about trying to get to the bridal suite. She didn't think she was much good at the matron of honor bit but she was doing her best. She couldn't help but wonder if Haley was okay; the past week she had acted stranger than usual and Peyton couldn't ignore that sinking gut feeling._

"_Hales?" she asked knocking on the door and opening it up. She frowned and sighed, shutting the door behind her and locking it. There on the floor, wedding dress pooled around her, sat Haley, sobs wracking through her tiny frame. _

"_I can't." she stammered swiping at her tears. Peyton was at her in an instant wrapping a protective arm around her body and pulling her into her chest. _

"_Come on babe, you can. You love Lucas remember." Peyton whispered in her ear which only caused a heaver sob to emit from her. _

"_I remember loving him." She cried holding up a tattered picture of her first wedding. Haley turned around and Peyton's arms and looked at her. "I'm still in love with Nathan. But I do love Luke and I just can't walk out on him…"_

"_You can do whatever you have to do for you." She replied softly tucking the strands of Haley's hair behind her ears. "I know you miss him Hales; hell we all do. But it's been five years and you need to move on. Lucas really loves you, he'll make a good husband."_

"_I don't know what to do."_

"_Look, if you wanna crank out a Jules rerun, I'll support you; car cranked, tunes blasting, foot on the gas pedal, door opened. But if you want to move on, be with a guy who loves you more than anything I'll be there waiting to hold you're bouquet too." Peyton responded giving Haley a tight squeeze and getting up. "You're gonna be alright; you'll make the right decision."_

End Flashback

"It was really crappy of me but I kinda wanted her to run out. But she didn't. It took her a few minutes but finally she came walking down the aisle. I mean I know her love grew for Lucas once they did get married but honestly, it never compared to her love for you." Peyton finished.

"She wouldn't never left Lucas at the alter. She's good like that."

"Special." Peyton agreed.

"I should've been there."

"Should've, could've, would've. It's in the past Nathan. We all wish we could change things but we just can't. We learn from our mistakes and move on."

"How am I supposed to move on without her?"

"You don't have much of a choice do you?."


	5. What Hurts the Most

**A/N: Thanks for bearing with me with the update. Hopefully this doesn't suck too bad. I dunno. We'll see how you guys like it with the amount of reviews I get. So enjoy and until next time...**

What Hurts the Most

Haley sat rooted at the counter tracing her finger along the outline of her cup, staring at the one next to it. Long ago she had cleaned up the shattered cup in the foyer; she just wasn't sure if her heart was so tidied. She had always wondered what would happen if he returned but she never thought of it this way.

How, right now, this could all be happening was beyond her. This couldn't have come at a worse time in her life. She studied the chicken she had defrosting in the sink and the cake that sat on the table waiting to be served. Tomorrow, ironically, was her second wedding anniversary to Lucas and she was supposed to give him the good news.

She wasn't so positive it would be great news now. It was all about time and after so much had passed, the timing of things now were off. Her world was thrown into a loop and she didn't know how to stop it. She ran her fingers through her hair as she heart the door shut and braced herself for the conversation that was about to transpire.

"Did you know?" Lucas asked in a low voice from the kitchen doorway. Haley turned in the stool to face him and shook her head.

"I had no idea." She whispered, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Do you want to be with him?"

"I'm married to you." Was her weak response. "Of course I want to be with you."

"You and I both know that you love him more than you'll ever love me." Lucas replied and her wince didn't slip unnoticed. Long ago he had accepted the fact that while he was very much in love with her; he knew the feeling was mutual.

"Luke, that isn't very fair."

"No what isn't fair is being second best in the eyes of the woman that you love." He responded sliding his body against the wall and onto the floor.

"I'm not going to begin to tell you all the things that weren't fair in my life…" Haley began, her emotions running thick through her voice as tears clouded her vision. "But just because he's back doesn't change the fact that I am you're wife, we're married, and we're happy. None of that changes."

"Everything changed tonight Hales."

"I'm not doing this with you Lucas. I'm just not." She replied walking around the counter and heading for the door. As she passed Lucas he got up and wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her stomach. Haley remained motionless for a few moments, moving her hands around before finally resting them on his head. "Please don't do this."

"I can't lose you." He whispered looking up at her face. She cupped his cheek and shook her head.

"I'm right here."

"Where is you're heart?"

"Lucas…"

"No, just listen." He told standing up on his feet to where he was now towering over her. "Forget for five minutes that I'm you're husband. Just pretend we're in a world where I'm just Lucas, you're best friend and you can tell me anything."

"You still are my best friend." She cried as he placed his hands on her cheeks wiping away the tears. "My heart is with you."

He stared at her and nodded his head but she knew that she was lying. What was worse was that he knew as well. He was right, everything had changed with Nathan's return and now with things as complicated as they were, she didn't know what the outcome would be.

"You remember when we first started?" he asked pulling her out of her thoughts. She blinked and nodded in response and he continued. "I don't think I was ever so sure of anything…"

Flashback

_Lucas sat watching the lights of Tree Hill and listening to the quiet sounds of cars passing as he twirled a small putter in his hand on top of the café. Nights like these were usually spent with Brooke grabbing a pizza and some beer and laughing until they collapsed from exhaustion. _

_Today had been exceptionally painful. He recalled earlier when he walked past the small church that he could almost see her smiling and holding his hand as they walked out of the doors trying to avoid all the rice thrown around them. As he strolled by the gardens he could just imagine how she would look at him adoringly as they danced to the beat and sway of their first song. _

_But that hadn't been her fate. _

_Their fate._

_He could still vividly hear the doctor's voice once he told him the devastating news. He could almost taste his salty tears as they placed her into the ground. It had been just a few weeks and now, on this day, he was doing what he was suppose to be doing with Brooke. _

_Moving on with his life._

"_I thought I might find you hiding up here." He turned his head and looked over his shoulder to where Haley was now maneuvering her small frame though the multiple obstacles in her way. Once she arrived she took a seat beside him and rested her head on his shoulder. "You okay kid?"_

"_You think things happen for a reason?" he asked and she sighed. _

"_Yeah, I do."_

"_I loved Brooke a lot you know."_

"_I know."_

"_I woke up this morning and the pillow next to mine was empty. After she died, I never really noticed it. I think I was just too numb. So today when I got up I realize that I was supposed to start my life today with someone. That was the plan. And I thought that things had changed since she died." Lucas explained._

"_I think you're right." She responded softly and cleared her throat. "I sent off the annulment papers today; the signed annulment papers."_

"_Haley?" he questioned and he heard her mumble a faint 'hmm' which signaled that he had to continue. "I want to start my life with you."_

"_What?" she asked softly as she lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at him. He stared at her for a few moments before getting up and pacing in front of her. _

"_I know this is insane. You're marriage was just dissolved and my fiancé just passed away. But you gotta know Haley that I love you…"_

"_Luke, you're just letting your grief talk. I mean I love you too…"_

"_No Hales, I'm in love with you." He confessed and stopped pacing long enough to stoop down to her level and take her hands into his own. "Just listen to me for a second okay? I've loved you for as long as I could remember. I want to be with you."_

_She grasped for words and for once they failed her. While she had just spoken moments ago of moving forward, moving on, she wasn't sure if she could actually do it. She found herself reasoning out the possibilities…Lucas was a great guy; one of the best and if what he was saying was true, he would take care of her. But Nathan…he was her heart and her very soul. _

"_Please say something…" he pleaded reaching up and touching her cheek. She looked at him and placed her hand on his, giving him a small smile. "Hales." He said and she snapped out of her thoughts and swallowed hard._

"_Okay?" she said uncertainly. He looked on confused, not really sure what she was saying. Quickly she reached in and kissed him confirming to him and to herself what she had meant. She was surprised that on some level, it felt right. It felt good and before she knew was he was doing she was deepening the kiss and falling into his arms. _

"_Okay." He repeated smiling. He cupped her cheek and leaned into kiss her once more. "Okay."_

End Flashback

Haley remained staring at Lucas, both letting the memories of years ago swirl around them. She was the first to admit that she had had her doubts and fears since that day. But she also knew that she couldn't let that overcome her life. She had pledged herself to Lucas and that's where she would remain. It didn't matter that she had promised herself to Nathan first; it didn't matter that that's exactly where her heart remained to this day.

"I think we may have rushed things a bit." He chuckled bitterly and moved away.

"Luke, no…" she tried but he continued to look at the floor and inch his way from her. She was on the verge of tears again and she hated that more than anything. Her head jerked up at the sound of him choking back his own tears. Well, maybe she hated _that_ more than anything.

"I'm gonna lose you."

"No, no you're not." She announced moving swiftly to take him into her arms and cradle him. He tried to fight but she held on tighter and eventually the weight of it all forced them to the ground where they both remained tangled together, the hurt of the situation bearing down.

She didn't know how they were going to get past this. It was always going to be a thick presence in their lives now and they would always wonder. She glanced up at the clock and realized it was now well past midnight. Two years ago today she was up crying her eyes out because she was about to marry Lucas.

"_No regrets…"_

"Look at me." She commanded taking his head into her hands and forcing his eyes to look at her. "Don't you think for one second that I regret marrying you Lucas Scott. You have done nothing but love me and cherish me and take care of me. I do love you."

"I know."

"Than what are we doing? We're tearing each other apart because Brooke died and Nathan left and we picked up each other's pieces. Things do happen for a reason Luke. Things happened that brought us together and perhaps that was the bigger fate in everything. There will always be the 'what ifs'. 'What if you had told me you loved me first?'; 'What if Nathan had never left?'; 'What if Brooke had never died?' But the point is all those things happened."

"Yeah but Brooke never came back for me." Lucas pointed out and Haley realized that he had a fairly decent argument. "I know you're still in love with him Haley."

"Luke-"

"And that okay." He continued. "I accepted that a long time ago. I guess you never really do forget your first love. I don't think I could ever forget you. Look, he was an idiot to leave you like that. He was a fool to even leave you period. But I was there Hales. I never left you're side for a second and if always felt like I was competing with him."

"That's not true." She argued. "I know you were there for me."

"But you don't think I noticed you're hesitance that night at the café? How you paused when you were walking down the aisle? You don't think I hear you cry in the shower sometimes when you don't think I'll notice? How you look at me but you're not really looking at me…like you're trying to imagine him?"

Haley gasped at his confession and wasn't sure how to respond. Was it all true? Yes, every bit of it. She couldn't help it. His memory haunted her constantly and when she had begun a relationship with Lucas, those didn't go away. But it hurt that he knew it as well. She had hurt him when he wasn't the Scott brother to hurt her.

But he wasn't the one that held her heart either.

"But I love you…" she cried and he nodded taking her into his arms.

"And I love you." He assured as her sobs became deeper. "It's just not the same."

"Happy Anniversary."


	6. Goodbye to a King

**A/N: Okay guys, here's an update. You will not believe how incredibly sorry I am for not updating sooner. I suck, I know. This is just a chapter that kinda has to happen and so whatever reviews you feel like dropping would be great. It doesn't have a whole lot of Naley or Laley but yeah...it's just gotta be there. Anyway, hopefully udates will be more because I've been feeling pretty inspirational. I'm working on a one shot right now that you might like. Of course another Naley :). Look out for it...I haven't titled it yet though :(. Okay enough, enjoy and leave some love. **

Goodbye to a King

Even after his late night chat session with Peyton, Nathan found that sleep would not come to his tired mind and body. He ended up walking the lonely streets of Tree Hill until the sun began to peak on the horizon of the river. With a heavy heart he began the dreaded trek to the place he was more than not ready to go to.

His father's home.

As he stood on the door to the house he had grown up in he sighed. His once strong father he knew was confined to a bed, barely hanging on, and he was probably as scared as he had ever been in his life. He could stand his father to be mad at him or not like him at a particular moment, but for his dad to be disappointed in him, well that was far too much to handle.

He sighed once more as if trying to exhale the fear inside of him and raised his hand to knock on the menacing door in front of him. His knuckles never connected with the dark wood as his mother, dressed in a light robe, coffee cup in hand opened the door.

He didn't know how the gauge her reaction but he guessed it had something to do with happiness and surprise. It wasn't like he had planned on coming back. He was sitting in some small coffee shop in Boston when he realized that he missed his mom's café.

He missed everything.

"Nathan?" she gulped and didn't hesitate twice before flinging the coffee mug elsewhere and leaping into his arms. "Oh my…you're home. I've waited so long…"

Nathan was having a hard time keeping himself from not joining his mother in her tears. He held her as she sobbed in his arms and after what seemed like a short eternity she let go and swiped the tears away. And almost as soon as they had appeared, the tears were gone and her face looked about as fresh as it had before.

"I had to learn a while ago to do that." She explained at his confused expression. "You're father; well it's not very fair of him to see me so broken up about the inevitable."

"He's…"

"He's almost gone Nate." She confirmed as he shook his head.

"I would've come back sooner. Someone should've told me."

"No, you had to come back when you were ready. We all agreed on that." Karen touched his cheek and took his hand leading him down the hallway to the kitchen. "I take it you know about Haley and Lucas?"

"Unfortunately."

"How one girl could make both my boys so happy, I'll never know." She replied shaking her head slightly and looking at him. "I know you're upset about this Nathan and I can't really blame you but at the same time, you need to be there for Lucas as he was for you."

"You know about that?"

"Sweetie, there's not much I don't know. Lucas came to me just as tore up as you are right now and I told him the same thing I'm telling you. He's family; you two are a part of one another and no matter what, you do whatever you can for him."

Nathan nodded, knowing his mother was right. But he also knew, deep down, he wouldn't. After seven years he still knew he wasn't much better than the coward he was at seventeen. He wouldn't be there for Lucas. No essentially, his life journey had cost him everything.

And in everything it still amazed him that he continued to have no regrets. So he knew deep down that everything he had done, he had to for a reason. He let his eyes drift to the stairs he knew would lead to his father's death bed. Karen stopped mid sentence and looked at her son before reaching over and squeezing his hands.

"He's been waiting for you to come home."

"Mom, I'm not sure I'm ready, or willing for that matter to say goodbye."

"Then don't let it be a goodbye. You're father and I; we've made our peace with this. Not once did we utter a goodbye though. It's only for a little while anyway."

"So you're okay?" Nathan asked unconvinced.

"Not in the slightest." She admitted. "I'm losing the love of my life and the father of my boys. Not to mention my best friend. But at the same time, he's not going to be suffering anymore and if you really think about it, I loved him with all my heart and he returned that. There's not much more you can ask for."

"It's just…"

"It's just fear Nate. It doesn't control you and you don't have to let it. Go see him; he's missed you."

Nathan reached over and gave him mother a peck on the cheek before making the small journey to his father's room. His dad, the same man who had gave him his first basketball and taught him how to swing a bat. Now he was almost gone and still the guilt raked though his body.

He couldn't recall a time where he had to deal with death other than his grandfather's passing and even then he was too young to feel anything much about it except that he was missing Tim Smith's birthday party. The patriarch of the Scott clan was a wretched old man who his son was determined not to be like. He was successful and instilled more values and morals into his young sons than his own father had offered him.

Hesitantly, Nathan opened the door and stepped inside the scarcely light room. He noticed his mother's possessions gone almost immediately, as they were replaced with flowers. That, and trophies. Some were from Dan Scott's glory days in college but mostly from Nathan and Lucas' various achievements.

He was startled when his father began coughing violently and for a split second nearly backed out of the room. He remembered once his mom being out of town and him in the bed with a horrible flu. Not once did his dad go to work that week, making sure Nathan stayed full with fluids and cleaning up the masses amount of vomit that Nathan made sure got everywhere it could.

No, he wasn't backing out on his dad.

He nearly sprinted the short distance to his father's bed, helping his father sit up and gingerly pouring the water from his bedside table into his mouth. After a few minutes, Dan Scott gained his bearing and let his weight fall back down to the bed. It was then that he took notice of the son who had helped him.

"Nathan?" he asked, barely above a whisper. Nathan wasn't sure if it was the illness running rampant in his body or age itself but for the first time, he saw how much time had consumed his father's face. How a man in his late forties managed to look almost twice that was beyond him.

"It's me Dad." Nathan chocked out unable to keep his emotions in any longer. For once, he wasn't ashamed a bit for breaking down and crying in his father's arms. And just as his mother had done earlier, after a few minutes he dried his tears and put his emotions back in check.

"You haven't aged hardly at all you lucky son of a bitch." Dan joked, weakly messing up his young son's hair and Nathan actually found him chuckling.

"Ah, but my mind has."

"How's that heart of yours?"

"Taking my meds everyday." Was Nathan's response even though he knew Dan wasn't talking about his HCM condition. Before Dan could even respond, Nathan was already well on his way to changing the subject. "Why aren't you hooked up to anything? Aren't you in pain?"

Dan sighed.

"Well I was for a long time. Chemo and radiation didn't do much for me except make me sick as a dog. So finally I demanded to be released and you're mother brought me home. And as far as the pain goes, well that's just a part of life son."

"There's nothing they can do is there?"

"Not a damn thing. You'd think by now they would have a cure for this. But I'm dying son and there's not a thing you can do about it either."

"Are you scared?"

"Every second." Dan replied without missing a beat. Nathan knew there wasn't much point in arguing with his dad; he always lost. "But not much for myself, mind you. I'm gonna die in my sleep after spending twenty years with the woman of my dreams, raising two sons I couldn't be prouder of."

"Then what are you afraid of?"

"Things you'll understand when you have a wife and children of your own." Dan finally said and waited to see Nathan's reaction.

"Like that would ever happen." Nathan scoffed and Dan laughed knowing that would be his response.

"If I told you that I knew way back then that you and Haley wouldn't have lasted would you believe me?"

"No. You supported us and wanted us happy. Why would you say that if you didn't mean it?"

"I did mean it son. But I know you more than you know yourself. You're nearly just like me way back in the day. And I'm not less of a man to admit if you're mom hadn't of gotten pregnant with you and Lucas I would've bolted too. It's like you find this new shiny penny and you don't want to spend it so you keep in a place you know you won't. But life takes over and you need more than just that penny so you forget about it. "

"I never forgot about her. I just, I was selfish. She had to be mine but at the same time I couldn't keep her either." He paused, gathered his thoughts and finally said what was on his mind the most. "I'm just so lost Dad."

"I know you are son and that's okay. You can't always have the answers and you can't always get what you want. Now, I'm sure you're mother has already told you all this but I'm gonna say it again. Lucas is you're brother. And after I'm gone…"

"Don't say that okay Dad? I just don't want to admit that yet."

"After I'm gone he's gonna be the only thing you have that's a part of me." Dan finished as if Nathan never interrupted. "I know you're scared kid and hell, I'm scared for you but that doesn't change the fact that this is what life dealt you with."

"I know."

"Then accept it Nate. That's all you can do. I know you love Haley, I do. But even now, with you back and things changing, at the end of the day it's still her happiness that matters the most. I couldn't fault her for moving on from you and neither should you, regardless of who she ended up with. You weren't there and I know you are now, the man you should be. That man would let Haley go and forgive Lucas."

"Was I wrong to believe she would wait for me?"

"No, not really. Honestly, she probably would've if you hadn't sent those god forsaken papers. She's a good girl; we talk a lot you know. " Dan said and Nathan remained quiet. "I'm not disappointed in you Nathan; I want you to know that. I'm proud that you did what you had to do. I don't agree with you skipping off without so much of a good bye but at the same time…you did good kid. You really should've said something though."

"How would that have changed anything?" Nathan asked and Dan just shook his head.

"More than you know." Dan replied sadly. Before Nathan could contemplate what he had just said the door was opening and he felt his breathe get caught in his throat just seeing her.

"Alright Dad, I know you hate this stuff but I'm making you drink it anyway." Haley announced as she entered the bedroom, tray in hand, oblivious to Nathan's presence.

"She's a real hard ass you know." Dan told Nathan laughing.

"Try being married to her." Nathan mumbled, chuckling slightly. Haley's head jerked up from the green concoction on the try to where she had heard Nathan's voice.

"Oh." Was all she said and continued going about her usual routine. She scolded herself for not thinking ahead that he would be here. And even though she tried, as she moved things around the tray, it was hard not to listen to the conversation behind her.

"I'm gonna go Dad alright? Get your rest and all." Nathan said bending over and giving Dan a hug. "I love you, you know."

"I loved you first kid, always."

"I'm not saying good bye to you."

"I'm not going anywhere yet. You can't get rid of me that easily."

Nathan let go of his father, giving him one last glance over, and walked out the door. He barely made it to the top of the stairs before he sat down and let his grief consume him. Somehow, he just knew that would be the last time he saw his father alive.

Somehow he just couldn't will himself to stay longer.

He wasn't sure if he was trying hard to remember his dad the way it was before when he was healthier. He didn't want to think of his dad and think of this day. He faintly heard the door behind him open and shut once more. A part of him hoped she just walk the other way. But both of them knew that he needed her more at this moment than anything in his life.

So she bit her lip and she walked over to where he was sobbing. She carefully sat down beside him and leaned him body into his arms where she let him cry and rubbed his back. She wasn't sure why she was allowing herself to do this; partially because she knew that when the time came, she wouldn't be able to comfort him when his father did in fact pass.

She'd be comforting her husband.

Who wasn't Nathan.


	7. Chasing Cars

**A/N: Hey guys I've got an update for you. I've actually had the majority of this chapter written for quite some time now, it was just an inspired chapter that I wrote before I even got to this point in the story. If you listen to the song while reading it's pretty powerful...you kinda get where i'm going with the whole thing. I wanted to thank all of you who reviewed and leave sweet things and try to answer some of youre questions. I don't know how it's gonna end up as far as naley/laley goes. I want it to be practical and bittersweet and all that stuff at the same time. So we'll have to see. I probably won't even know until the last few chapters. Anyway, drop me some love and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter. :)...P.S. This is my favorite chapter so far...**

Chasing Cars

Nathan wasn't surprised when he got a phone call from his sobbing mother the next day. He sat for the longest time wondering how his dad had held on for so long just to give him those last words of wisdom. He wanted to be the bigger person and accept Lucas and Haley for what they were…a married couple. But his heart just wouldn't allow the concept to stick.

Haley would always be his wife.

Over the next few days he ignored mostly everyone, even his grieving mother, and chose to reminisce on the times when he was growing up with his father. More often than not, his thoughts drifted to his young marriage and the short time when he was happiest in his life.

It rained the morning of his father's funeral and he watched from afar under the comfort of a willow as they placed his father in the ground. Under the cover of umbrella's he saw his mom collapse in the arms of his Uncle Keith. And even he felt his heart break a little when a weeping Haley took the hand of a stoic Lucas.

He didn't wait much longer after that to leave.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Haley wasn't sure what to say to Lucas to make things okay with him. Somehow she knew that it really wasn't going to be. He hadn't said a word to her since she had told him the news; hadn't shed a single tear. Maybe that was his way of coping, she wasn't sure but it worried her nonetheless.

"You should go." Lucas said quietly from beside her clearly his throat. She looked at him, almost stunned for a moment, and then chose to look straight ahead where she caught the sight of Nathan leaving.

"I'm worried-"

"Haley, I need you to go okay?" Lucas pleaded with her, looking into her eyes. She almost protested again but stopped short when she saw the moisture threatening to spill over.

"If you need anything-"

"I'll call." He reassured giving her a sad smile. She hugged him and kissed his cheek gently and held on to him for a few moments before finally letting go.

"He was a great guy Luke. He was lucky to have you as his son."

"I was lucky enough he was my dad."

Haley nodded and stepped away glad that the rain had stopped and the sun was now shining. She stepped inside her car and sighed, blowing out her breath and the bangs in front of her face. It had been a tiresome couple of days; calling several dozen of people, making arrangements, and keeping things on track. And now sitting in her car, she felt the great urge to release everything.

All the sadness and confusion from the past week made her physically and emotionally exhausted. She felt like she hadn't ever really cried over losing Nathan until right at this point. She was married to Lucas and Nathan was about to leave again. She wiped away her tears, started up the engine, and went on her way. It wasn't until about half way through the journey she changed course heading where her heart was leading her to.

Haley pulled into the parking lot, turned off the ignition and didn't make a move to get out. She stared at the expanse in front of her, sighed, and began to tap her fingers on the steering wheel. She hadn't been here in years and she didn't know why she thought he was here.

Blowing out her breathe, she pushed her sunglasses on top of her hair and got out of the car and headed towards where he was. She saw him in the distance sitting in the middle of the grass staring off into his own little world. He was sitting, his arms placed on his slanted knees; suit jacket off and shirt unbuttoned. She was still in her black dress and heels and kicked them off as she approached him, taking a seat beside him.

"Thought I might find you here." She said taking one of the beers in his six pack, twisting the top and taking swig. He looked at her in surprise as she wiped her mouth and she smirked.

"Guess a lot really has changed." He mused and she set the beer back down.

"I don't need to be drinking that stuff anyway. Might develop a beer gut." She teased and he chuckled.

"Looks like you might already be." He teased poking at her stomach. She laughed and pushed him playfully away. "You didn't have to come."

"He was proud of you ya know?" she told him and he looked at her doubtfully. "After you left, everyone keep saying that you'd come back, that you'd just freak out. Not your dad though; straight up told me you weren't gonna come back anytime soon."

"Why did he say that to you?"

"Because fooling myself into thinking you were gonna come back soon, wasn't going to help me. I think he understood what you were going though. I mean he got married at our age and I'm sure even though he loved you and Lucas and you're mom very much, it had to be stifling. But he had responsibilities to his family and that was more important."

"So my responsibility to you wasn't enough?" he retorted, angry at himself.

"I understood too Nathan." She replied picking at the grass in front of her. "It was just all of a sudden you weren't in my life. I sat there for the longest time trying to remember our last kiss; like the stolen ones that are unexpected. I was hurt but I got it. Your dad told me that while he fully believed that our love was pure and strong, it wasn't strong enough to hold a young marriage together. You weren't ready."

"I think I was afraid at how much I loved you." He confessed. "I feel so guilty."

"About me?"

"Well that would be one of the many choices. What am I guilty about? Well there the obvious answer of abandoning you, annulling our marriage, and allowing you to get married to another guy. There's how I didn't keep in contact with much of anyone and wasn't here when Brooke died. And the most recent guiltiness is how I've known for three years that my father was dying of cancer and didn't return until he's halfway in the ground."

"I think everything happens for a reason. That's the beauty of hindsight." She replied. "Hey do they still have the bumper cars here?" she asked quirking up an eyebrow. He did the same and she grinned grabbing his hand and pulling him up with her.

"Haley." He protested as she continued to drag him across the grass to the small ring containing a few bumper cars. He watched her as she started fiddling with the controls until the lights and music came on. He couldn't help but let his smile grow bigger at the sight of a grin wide on her face.

With slight reluctance, Nathan strapped himself into the nearest car and waited for her to do the same. She counted down from five and yelled 'go' and they were off. Within a matter of moments his father's death was forgotten, his failed marriage long gone, and they were back in time. Back in time when everything was bursting with life.

Flashback

_Nathan sat in the driver's seat smiling at Haley nervously fidgeting with her hands, a blindfold covering her chocolate eyes. Today was their first day off in he didn't know how long and after spending the day together shopping, he was taking her someplace else to spend the evening._

"_You know I hate surprises." She said for probably the twelfth time since he put the blindfold over her face. "And I don't know how comfortable I am that you got this thing from Brooke." She continued as she tugged at the leopard print. _

"_Calm down." He told her taking her hand and entwining their fingers. "We're almost there."_

_She sighed but smiled just the same and relaxed for the rest of the short journey. Once they arrived, Nathan went and opened her door, helped her out, and wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder as he led her to their destination. Her smile got bigger when they got closer and she realized where they were. _

"_Can I take this ridiculous thing off now?" she asked and he let out a groan in mock frustration and took the cloth off. She squealed in delight and leaped into his arms kissing his face. "I haven't been here in years!" _

"_I know." He told her as he set her down and they looked around to the massive stands, adjusted their eyes to the blinding lights, and tried to hear themselves think over the thunderous noise. They stood in the middle of an expanse of grass; dead center of a racetrack. "I pulled a few strings with Coop and here we are."_

"_They're practicing?" she asked referring to the cars zooming around the track. He nodded as he led her to the blanket and picnic basket already laid out. They sat down and she rested comfortably in between his legs and rested her head against his chest. "Thank you."_

_He didn't say anything, just kissed her temple and rested in the quite between them. His mind floated back to when they had last came. Once, years ago, he and Lucas had invited Haley along for a weekend with them and their Uncle Coop at the racetrack. He remembered vividly her reaction._

'Would I be driving the racecars? No? Than why would they interest me?'

"_Do you remember when we came here last?" she asked and he mumbled into her hair something along the lines of an agreement. "You know how my parents are so happy now? Well they weren't always that way."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_That weekend when you asked me to go I had to get away from it all. My parents were constantly arguing and with me being the only one there I got caught in the middle. And we came here and I got to run away from it all. It was one of my happiest memories." She explained._

"_Well you're not running away from anything now are you?"_

"_No, not away; just into your arms." She replied and crooked her neck to face him. Hesitantly he reached to touch her face, tucking her hair behind her ears, and leaned in to kiss her gently on the lips. "I love you." She whispered as she rested her forehead on his. _

"_I…" he started but the words died on his lips. It had been months since that evening in the café and while they had admitted their feelings then, they had yet to repeat the sentiments. He cursed himself once he saw the hurt that crossed over her features and struggled to find something, anything to make it better. She opened her mouth several times as if to say something and finally settled on a frown. She removed herself from his arms and started to get up but was stopped by his hand upon hers. "Would you lay here; would you just lay here with me?"_

"_Nathan." She protested but did just as she was asked anyway. Slowly he mimicked her actions as she lay down flat on her back. She stared at the stars as he memorized her profile. _

"_I don't quite know how to say how I feel." He told her and he watched as a lonely tear slide down her cheek; her eyes still focused on the freckles of the sky. "Just saying those three words aren't enough because what I'm feeling for you is so much more than that."_

"_Whatever I'm feeling for you, and I think you know what that is, I just want you to feel it for me too." She replied softly, emotion thick in her voice. He realized then that every time he saw her he wanted to say those words and didn't and it had been a mistake. _

"_I do." He promised and sat up on his elbow so he could look down at her. "When I'm around you, I feel like I'm in this completely different world. Even when things are bad with my life just one smile from you makes everything okay for that moment. I need you around to show me the good in everyone so that I can find the good in myself."_

"_Do you think it's naïve to say that when I look into your eyes I see my future?" she asked looking at him and chewing on her lip. "I could spend forever with you."_

"_I love you." He said leaning in and capturing his lips with hers. "I am so in love with you." He repeated still kissing her face. Pretty soon they were lost in one another and Nathan fought with the feeling inside of him. Pulling back he searched for the right words. "We could do it. We wouldn't need anyone or anything. Just each other."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You make everything in my world good Haley. When I'm not with you I feel like I can't breathe and when I am, I'm trying to catch my breath." He gulped and she watched as his mouth moved in what seemed to be contemplation. "Marry me."_

_Normally, she would've cracked a smile, laughed out loud, and shrugged that statement off. But looking into his perfect eyes, she knew that he was serious. It was crazy; they were only seventeen, seniors in high school. But somehow it felt…it felt right. And what was more surprising is that she wanted to, more than anything._

_He watched as yet another tear slid down her cheek. His very life depended on what that one tear meant. Was it happy because she wanted all the same thing with him? Or was it sad because she didn't want those things and couldn't bear to disappoint him? He nearly lost it when she didn't answer for a few moments. Finally she looked at him thoughtfully with a small smile and sparkling eyes._

"_Sure." She shrugged and laughed when he stared at her for a few moments before blinking rapidly as if he suddenly heard what her response was. _

"_Yes?" _

"_Yes." She said seriously as he rushed in and kissed her pulling her into his arms. They broke apart and stared at one another as he grazed his finger across her bottom lip. They forgot the world as the noise of the cars faded in their ears and everything around them blurred together. _

End Flashback

She recalled vividly how happy and confused she was at the same time. She didn't know how it had happened to get them there but it had. She had no regrets. Now as she listened to his laugh, bumping into her car she felt good for the first time since he had reentered her life.

"See, now wasn't that fun?" she teased once they slipped out of the cars and back onto the grass. He shoved his hands in his pockets, a goofy grin still plastered on his face.

"Yeah, it was." He nodded. Without even thinking, she looped her arm though his and he closed his eyes fascinated by her touch. "I'm sorry I left."

"If someone had told me then that seven years from then you'd be long gone, I'd fight them on it. That had to be wrong. But they would know better than me huh? You said forever and always. I thought you meant it. Who knew?"

"I did mean it." He countered and she shrugged. "I always meant it."

"I promised my heart to Lucas."

"So that's what that was when I felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest." Was his response to which she remained quiet. "I'm sorry. That was really out of line. I have no place to make you feel bad for moving on."

"Who said anything about moving on?"


	8. Time Turned Fragile

**Enjoy and thanks for all the reviews. Keep them coming :)**

Time Turned Fragile

Peyton Jagelski hated funerals. The young mother had her share of mournful days to last her a lifetime. Her mother had passed when she was ten; her only solace being that of her bubbly best friend. And when she had died, it was Mr. Scott that made her realize that perhaps her chirper friend was in a far better place. Now, she wasn't sure what to make of anything.

She slipped inside her empty house, shrugging off her jacket and slipping off her black pumps, thankful that the whole event was officially over. Unofficially, the death of the Scott patriarch would only delay the healing of his two sons. For once, she was truly grateful that she had the whole house to herself, mentally making a note to thank Jake for taking the kids out.

She padded into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and went to the sink to fill it up. The cursed the fact that she couldn't have coffee right now to inject a bit of energy into her exhausted frame. Her eyes gazed out towards the backyard and she started making a list to fix certain things. She frowned as her eyes settled on the solemn figure swaying back and forth on her children's swing set.

Lucas.

She stepped out onto the patio and shook her head in disappointment. Clearly he was drunk, if not proven by the many beer bottle littered around him but by his obvious loopy behavior. She flinched when he finished chugging his latest beer and threw it to the ground, shattering in the process.

"Hey." She said simply as she maneuvered into the small swing next to him as best she could. He looked up at her, somber, his shoulders slumped over and his head resting on the chain.

"Peyton."

"What are you doing to yourself?"

"You think she's with him?" he asked ignoring her question, sitting up, and looking straight ahead. "I think she's with him."

"You don't know that."

"Ah but don't we?" he chuckled bitterly and she looked at him curiously. "Come on Peyton. Don't you think it's a little ironic that we're sitting exactly like we were years ago when Brooke died?"

"I think you're drunk."

"Well I know I am. What's even funnier is if Brooke hadn't of died, I wouldn't have married Haley. And if Nathan hadn't left everything would be just peachy. So right now, I blame Brooke and I blame Nathan…they left."

"I don't really think Brooke had choice in the matter." Peyton snapped and Lucas looked up, remorseful.

"I'm sorry Peyt. I just don't know where I'm at right now."

She doesn't respond to that; she's not quite sure what to say to him period. She knows from experience hollow sentiments like 'I'm sorry' don't mean shit in the long run. But it's more than just his father dying, it's all about the Nathan and Haley and right now all she feels like is in the middle. And she doesn't know how to fix any of it. She can't help but thing this is something Brooke would be better at.

"I asked Brooke to marry me right here. Did you know that?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"Yup, another irony in our whole saga. We were drunk; it was your New Year's Eve party…"

Flashback

_Brooke grabbed Lucas' hand, walking backwards and dragging him towards the new swing set the children had received for Christmas. They stumbled and giggled and ended up collapsing in the sand box on top of one another. They sat there for several minutes trying to gain their bearing and failing miserably. _

"_Okay, okay I've got it." Brooke announced, hiccupping. "I…Okay, I'm gonna push you up and then you can help me up once you get vertical okay?"_

"_Okay." Lucas agreed, nodding his head vigorously. After several failed attempts, either from lack of feeling in their limbs or their uncontrollable laughter, they both fell back onto the sand. "Or we could just lie here."_

"_I'm so drunk." Brooke whispered shouted, propping up on her elbow._

"_Why are you whispering?" _

"_Why are you?" she asked quirking up an eyebrow. He frowned before leaning up and kissing her, pulling her down on top of him. "So you like getting kinky when you're drunk huh? I need to start spiking your morning OJ."_

_She squealed as he flipped them, with her now on her back and Lucas hovering over her. Feverishly, she pulled him down to meet her lips and he willingly accepted. He pulled back after a few moments, gingerly moving the hair out of her face and kissing her gently. _

"_I love you Pretty Girl."_

"_Yeah? What's your point?"_

"_Marry me."_

"_What?" she asked sitting straight up. Suddenly she didn't feel so drunk anymore. "Are you insane?"_

"_Well a little drunk, but no not insane."_

"_No Lucas."_

"_No?" he asked, stunned by her brush off. _

"_Yes. Wait, I mean no. I mean God, I'm not gonna marry you." _

"_Why not?"_

"_Because I'm not gonna be some substitute wife instead of Haley." She bit out and Lucas felt like he might as well have been slapped. Brooke rubbed her head tiredly and sighed. "I'm not stupid Luke."_

"_Nobody said you were stupid Brooke but I think you aren't really being rational right now." _

"_Rational? You sit there and pine for your sister in law and one of my best friends for **years **and I'm the one being irrational? You're such a jackass." She blew out and tried to get up but he promptly pulled her back down. _

"_Why are you with me then?" he asked quietly and she dropped her arms from her chest and looked at him, tears shimming in her hazel eyes. _

"_Because I'm in love with you." She said simply and he swallowed hard. She turned to look forward once more before continuing. "I'm not naïve. I know you love me Luke in your own way and I'm grateful for that because you make me laugh and you listen to me and we have fun and you take care of me. But somehow I just can't help but feel jipped. I wanna be with you but I'm not going to be your wife."_

"_Hey…" he soothed pulling her rigid body into his arms. Reluctantly she relaxed again his chest as he kissed her hair. "I want to marry you okay? I'm not asking because I can't have Haley, I'm asking because I want you. It's not that I love you less, I just love you differently and I know that's no excuse but it's just complicated you know?"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_But know this, it's in your eyes that I see a future with and that's what I want more than anything. You."_

_Guilty racked through his body as he told her mostly what she wanted to hear. Of course he loved Brooke; if he had to admit it, he'd say she was his best friend. But he knew he had to settle down and Brooke was the obvious and logical choice. He gave her a small smile and eventually she nodded her head in agreement. _

End Flashback

His feelings for Haley were never brought up again after that night. Brooke agreed to marry him and had thrown herself into planning the picture perfect wedding. Then she was gone and suddenly Lucas found himself with the opportunity to be with Haley. He couldn't help but think that his feelings for Brooke were what Haley felt for him. What a mess he had made of his life.

"I think," he started and Peyton looked up expectantly. "I think I'm gonna leave her."

"What?"

"Face it Peyt. I know she's still in love with Nathan but she's married to me so she won't ever leave. She'll spend the rest of her life wondering what could've been and I don't want that for her…I just want her happy. It's why I didn't stop her from marrying Nathan in the first place."

"I think you're jumping the gun here a bit Luke. I mean you waited years for her and now that Nathan's back your ready to just give up?"

"Well she is his Haley."

"No, she's just Haley and she's an adult." Peyton argued. "You're all adults. She signed the papers too and she decided all by herself to be with you. Because she loves you."

Lucas didn't respond and Peyton didn't feel the need to push the issue any further. As far as she was concerned, this was a messy situation any light you shined on it. She watched as Lucas loosened his tie all the way and grabbed the last bottle of beer from the case next to his feet.

"It's not the same though."

"I don't think anything's gonna be the same anymore."

Minutes ticked away as they swayed back and forth on the swing.

Tick, Tock.


	9. Looking Through the Glass

**Reviews, though sorely lacking, is greatly appreciated. I like writing this story and I hope you enjoy reading it. Drop some love, it only takes a few seconds. Enjoy!**

Looking Through the Glass

Nathan replayed Haley's last words over in his mind a few times. They had stopped walking and he stood there, staring at her, taking her in as she fiddled with her hands. He didn't like this and he wasn't sure if she was being sincere or coy. Either way, he hated playing games with her when so much as at stake.

Haley wasn't sure why the words had stumbled out of her mouth. She really felt as if she could've smacked herself right then and there. But at the same time, deep down, she knew it to be true. Yes, she had married Lucas. Yes, she was in love with Lucas. She couldn't remember when she had become one of those people that was in love with two people at once.

"That wasn't very fair was it?" she asked finally looking into his eyes. He didn't say anything, just shoved his hands deeper into his trousers and continued walking. "Nathan, come on." She called after him, taking long strides to catch up with him and latching onto his arm.

"I can't do this with you Haley. I just- I can't." he sighed and she nodded, gently letting her grasp of him go, her fingers trailing down his arm lightly.

"I know I'm screwing up your head right now and I am sorry for that. No matter what's happened between us and after us, the fact remains that I can't lose you again. Don't you get that? Once was enough."

"I'm sorry too you know? I left and it was a mistake, I know that. But things changed; I've changed and so have you. We're not the same two teenagers in love with one another with every hope in the world. We're just not those people anymore."

"I'm still the same!" she protested, cursing herself for beginning to tear up. "You might've changed but I am still the same stupid girl in love with you!"

They stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity before she finally gathered up the courage to look at him. He remained rooted in his spot, finding great interest in the grass, the same stoic expression on his face he always had when he was uncomfortable. Usually, he would allow him time to adjust and then approach him again. Somehow she didn't feel like he was ever going to adjust to their new reality.

She wasn't doing this. It really was pointless. She was married. She was…she was done. She blew out her breath and bent down to swoop up her shoes before making her way towards her car. She was angry. All this time, and now he was leaving again. It wasn't her fault, none of it was any of her doing.

"You think you're stupid for falling in love with me?" he asked, stopping her mid stride, finally focusing in on her.

"Well you left Nathan." She bit out a little harsher than she had intended, turning around to face him. When he didn't respond immediately, she proceeded back to the task at hand: leaving.

"I didn't see you trying to follow me."

He didn't know why he had let those words slip from his mouth. That wasn't playing very fair. Mostly he knew that he was pissed and angry at himself and in true Nathan fashion, was taking it all out on her; the one person he loved the most. He wasn't surprised when she stopped, took a few deep breaths, and marched right up to his 6' 3'' stature.

"Oh so what? You could push me away YET AGAIN!" she yelled standing on her tip toes, as close as she could get to him. "Like the previous six months of you pushing me away wasn't enough fun?"

"Hales…"

"Don't you dare Nathan. I used to get so angry at you and do you know why? Because I knew you loved me. I just knew deep down with the way you looked at me that if I was in your life, all the bad and all the pressure would just fall away. But when you told that to me, when you said 'I love you' and then turned around to shut me completely out how was I supposed to know the difference?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry. Right. I don't need your apologies Nathan. I never needed apologies or flowers or promises that meant nothing. All you had to do was love me back and you couldn't even manage that."

"I did love you Haley. That never stopped, not for a second." He argued interrupting her. "Don't you dare say that I didn't love you. I know I hurt you. I know it was wrong. But you don't get the right to say that I didn't love you. I'm not perfect, I may not always have showed you like I should have but I always loved you."

Flashback

_Haley blew out the candles and sat back down in her seat. The one unruly curl that had shot her nerves earlier was back in its annoying position in front of her eyes. She sat in her little black dress, napkin placed properly in her lap staring at the cold food and the empty chair across from her. _

_Six months. _

_He forgot. _

_She refused to argue with him. It had become almost a daily occurrence with them. It wasn't like them. He was her best friend and of course they bickered but they had never argued. And now, lately, that's all they managed to do. So when she woke up to an empty bed she assumed he was off; possibly making up for their previous issues. _

_10:57_

_Why she chose to stare at the stupid microwave with is taunting time, she had no idea. He should've been home hours ago, and she had stupidly thought he would be. Which is why she spent all day cleaning, all evening cooking, and everything after that doing her best to look beautiful. Lord knows, he hadn't made her feel it lately. _

_She sighed. He wasn't coming home. She could almost laugh at why they had argued the previous night. And over what? He had forgotten to take out the trash. She didn't ask much of him. She cooked, she cleaned, was it such a big deal the stronger of the two take out the trash?_

_Apparently it was. _

_11:09_

_She slipped her napkin off her lap and placed it beside her plate. Her speech, the one she had rehearsed the entire day was nearly forgotten. The next half an hour, she went quietly around her room, their room, and gathered all the things she would need for a night away from it all. _

_She placed his sweatshirt that she wore the morning after they got married on top of the jeans she wore the day they spent seven hours at the DMV to get the name on her license changed to Scott. The first gift her gave her, a cami top for her birthday was placed in next to the bottle of perfume he had given her for Christmas. _

_11:43_

_Nearly midnight and the whole day would be over. It would be just another useless day. She carted her luggage to the living room and when she was a few feet from the door he came stumbling in. Drunk obviously, she shook her head in disappointment. _

"_Go ahead Haley." He started, slamming the door and throwing his keys, missing the bowl completely. "Tell me how big of a screw up I am."_

"_I'm not arguing with you Nathan. Why don't you go sleep it off? I'll be at Brooke's." _

_For the first time he noticed her bag and something in him snapped. He sobered up almost instantly. She was leaving him? Any other time they would argue, they would fuss, they would duke it out till the very end. He then took notice of the neatly set table, the pots in the sink, and the untouched food in the trash. _

"_Did I miss something?" he asked not moving from his position in front of the door. _

"_We got married six months ago today." She said quietly. "I thought, I just figured it would be a nice peace offering to smooth things over with us. But-"_

"_But you're jackass of a husband never came home." He finished and she looked up and he could see her eyes tearing up…even in the darkness. He blew out his breath and took a seat on the couch. "I'm such an idiot Hales." _

"_You're not stupid Nathan." She said after a few moments of contemplation, taking a seat beside him. _

"_Really? Because I think I need tutor in marriage." He said burying his face in his hands. "I was still mad this morning and I didn't want to say anything to you to hurt your feelings. You know I get retarded and assy when I get mad. You don't deserve my jackass comments when I get like that though."_

"_Is there someone else Nathan?" she asked, barely above a whisper. He heard though and his head shot up looking directly at her. She refused to meet his eyes and finally she took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. _

"_God no Haley. There could never be anyone else. Not when I have you." He told her and she nodded. _

"_But your losing me Nathan." She replied honestly. "You keep shutting me out and I don't know how to reach you anymore. You won't talk to me and you barely notice me."_

"_What are you trying to say?" he asked, dropping his hands from her face. She captured them almost instantly, giving them a tight squeeze. _

"_Maybe, I think it might be really good for us to take some time apart you know?"_

_Know?_

_No._

"_How is that a good idea? We're married. We're not supposed to take time apart. We're supposed to work through our problems and solve them together."_

"_But you're not doing that Nathan. You go throw them through a hoop or drink them down. You never face them and you're not offering up any other suggestions on how to fix us. We're not giving this marriage a fair shot and it won't last if we don't."_

_She hugged him and for a moment he wasn't sure how to respond. If she was leaving him, he doubted she'd come back. She'd find some other guy who loved her senseless and chose to show it to her. Why couldn't he get this right? He was in love with this girl. She was the reason he had the goofy grin plastered on his face. He couldn't lose her. _

"_Don't leave me." He whispered into her hair and she responded by squeezing him tighter. "Please Hales, I'll do anything. I love you."_

End Flashback

She didn't leave that night. She had remained and that entire night he had held her tight against his chest, murmuring 'I love yous' in her ear. It was that night that she felt closest to him and it would be the last. It was a week later when he left their bed, leaving her cold.

"You love me Nathan? Well prove it. Why don't you try sticking around this time." She snapped, the hurt of the past memories bringing fresh pain to her heart.

"You're married to Lucas." Nathan stressed once more. "I know I hurt you Haley and I get that. But for you to ask me to watch you be happy with Lucas is too much. I'm not proud enough to admit that won't hurt the hell out of me."

"If you leave Nathan, I don't ever want to see you again."

"You can't ask me that."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Everything is so painful between us and I don't want to think of you and think of only the bad and the hurt. You left and I never felt so broken and bruised in my life. The last happy memory I have of us is kissing you on that beach. And that's sad because the love we had, we could've had a lifetime of great memories."

"You can have all that with Lucas." He responded, even though it pained him to do so.

"But,"

"But nothing Haley." He closed the distance between them and took her into his arms, her head resting on his chest. "We're adults now and we both have to live with the choices we made. I chose to leave and you chose to move on. Neither of us can take that back now. "

"I feel the same way I felt when I moved out of my parent's house, crying to Mr. Waffles. Everything's so final and I don't want any of this to happen. It's too fast, it's too much. Seven years and I think I could finally get over you and then you're back. And now you're leaving already."

"What did I tell you that day?"

"That you'd always protect me."

"And I was. You were right; we weren't giving our marriage a fair shot because I couldn't grow up. So I left and I did it to protect you. I was slowly self destructing and right for me to bring you down with me."

"We were married though. I loved you. I would've followed you to the depths of hell if I had to. You meant that much to me."

"You meant that much to me to not let you. But I know you're in good hands now Hales. I know Lucas made you the same promise to you to protect you and he'll follow through."

She nodded, burying her head in his chest, finally letting the tears consume her. He was right and she hated it. She hated that couldn't rewind time, that she couldn't change a thing, that she was so conflicted. She couldn't let him leave, not this time.

"I gotta go Hales. I got a flight for tonight."

"Tonight?" she sputtered pulling back from his embrace. "Do you have to go so soon? No, wait, Nathan please you can't go. I need you here."

"You don't need me anymore Hales." He told her painfully, stepping away from her completely. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Nathan wait!" she said running up and latching on to his arm once more. "You came back and I couldn't tell him, I didn't know how. You can't leave this time and I know this is really selfish to ask you to stay under the circumstances but I need you. I'm, I'm pregnant."


	10. Waiting Room

**A/N: For this story, I have exciting things planned so reviews would be fantastic to give me a little bit more motivation. Enjoy.**

Waiting Room

"You haven't told him?"

Of course that wasn't the first thing he thought of. The first thing that went through his mind was that it wasn't his. They had planned it and dreamt about it and now it was coming true…for Lucas. It wasn't fair, and he wasn't even sure how to react to it so he latched on to the one thing that didn't play with his emotions.

"I was supposed to tell him on our anniversary but you came back and your dad died and I dunno, it just never seemed like the right time." Haley sputtered over her answer.

"It takes less than two seconds to tell your husband that you're pregnant. You couldn't find that much time?" Nathan bit out. Of course he was hurt and true to his fashion he had to be pissed in order to cover it up. "You need to tell him. It's not my responsibility."

"I, " she struggled for words, the hurt evident in her voice cracking. "I know."

"And you tell me of all people before you tell him. That's great Haley."

"Hey, you need to calm down. Just because you're hurting right now doesn't give you the right to lash back at me alright? We need to stop hurting one another. You left Nathan, you walked away."

"I know that Haley." Nathan sighed but she continued to rant.

"How many times do we have to go over this? You left and I moved on. You completely dissolved our whole marriage. Now, all I'm asking you to do is be there for me and my child. Be Lucas's brother and be this child's uncle, and be my best friend again."

"I can't do that." He stressed running his fingers through his hair.

"Why the hell not?" she asked, her tiny hands perched on her small hips.

Only she could put the fear of God in him.

"I can't just be this child's, " he started and stepped closer to her placing his hands on her belly, slightly catching her off guard. "I can't just be Lucas's brother when he has you for his wife and I can't just be your friend when I want you as my wife and this child? I can't just be its uncle when I want to be it's dad."

"I understood when you left Nathan." She sniffled. "I got that, but I won't understand you leaving again."

"Does anyone else know?" he asked, choosing to avoid her pleading.

"Your dad knew." She replied giving him a small smile. "He was really happy about it."

"Thank you. I mean, thanks for taking care of him. He really loved you and I know it meant a lot to him. It means a lot to me too."

"Well with my parents being gone 99 percent of the time, he was pretty much the only dad I had." She paused, enjoying their easy conversation at the moment but needing an answer from him at the same time. "Are you going to go? Seriously?"

He closed his eyes and threw his head back contemplating his options; wondering if he was strong enough to stick around. Everyone had a breaking point he realized, and just as he had years before, he felt the sudden urge to bolt just when things were getting heated. He knew he wasn't like Lucas; watching and waiting and pining of his brother's wife.

But he had to stay this time.

"I'm not going to leave you again." He promised.

"Thank you." She whispered throwing her tiny body into his arms. It was at that very moment she knew she had to tell him the awful truth about what happened after he left.

Just not right yet.

"You probably need to go see how Lucas is doing." Nathan said, being the first to break their connection.

"Right. Lucas." Was it wrong she almost forgot about him?

"If this is going to work Hales, we gotta throw up some emotional walls so we don't end up hurting him."

"What do you mean?"

"With the risk of sounding like a prick, it's pretty obvious that we're still in love with one another. I mean I know you love Lucas your own way and it's really awkward now because he's my brother but we can't hurt him any more than what we've done."

"I don't understand. How did you hurt him?" she asked, her brows furrowing in confusion.

"I left you Haley." He answered sadly. "I mean I know it hurt everyone when I left but it was different with Lucas. We were both in love with you and I got you. I married you. And then I abandoned you. I hurt him by hurting you."

"I never realized."

"Honestly, I didn't either. I don't know how to fix it either. I'm staying for you, and even though Lucas wants me here I know he doesn't trust me."

"I'm not going to leave him." She admitted quietly, breaking both their hearts.

So he stayed. And he would wait.

* * *

Lucas sat, tapping his fingers slightly on the marble countertop Haley had picked out, waiting for her to get home. Was it foolish to think that she would be at home waiting for him with some hot chocolate and a ready ear? Apparently so, and his drunken state was quickly sobered up at the empty house he came home to.

He chuckled bitterly at himself at just how foolish he was. He knew his brother would return at some point, and asking him to be okay with Lucas loving Haley was a lot to ask. But marrying her was something he knew Nathan would never forgive him for.

He wondered if Nathan was actually going to leave or if he would stick around Tree Hill. Did she ask him to stay? Probably, he quickly decided. And even though Nathan was his twin, his other half, he pondered whether or not he wanted him Nathan to stay. He had missed his brother and the lack of communication between them over the years but somehow he knew that their bond was broken the day he said 'I do' to Haley.

His Haley.

It was such a ridiculous thing to fight over a girl. But it was much more than that. She was the girl. The one they had dreamed about and stumbled over and cared for. Above all though, he knew that he wanted her happy. He just wasn't sure if her happiness relied on him or his brother.

He looked up from his untouched and cold coffee at the sound of the front door slamming. He almost prayed it wasn't her, not quite ready to deal with her yet. In the state he was in, he felt that he would say something hurtful, make her cry, and even though it was a messed up situation, he didn't want to make matters worse.

Clearly, God wasn't listening to Lucas Scott this day.

"I'm glad you're finally home." He said as she entered the kitchen, placing her purse on the counter. "How's Nathan?"

He didn't say it with hate or malice or even a bit of sarcasm. He knew how much grief he was going through at the moment and he had seen his father everyday since the cancer took him over. He couldn't imagine what Nathan was going though. Still, the question caught her off guard and she wasn't sure how to respond.

"I don't think it's sunk in yet." She answered, taking a seat beside him at the counter. "He feels guilty though."

"Well he kinda has a reason, doesn't he?"

This time she took notice of his sarcasm and shook her head slightly. She realized that maybe she had been mistaken about asking Nathan to stay for her own selfish reasons and unfair in considering her husbands. This was going to take a toll on everyone involved, and after seven years of trying to get closure, it was all unraveling in just a few short days.

"And he's living with it Luke. But I have a feeling that we don't need to be talking about him." She paused waiting for him to respond and when he continued to stare into his coffee cup, she continued. "What about us?"

"What about us?"

"You haven't talked to me in days." She murmured, sorely missing her best friend.

"I don't know what to say to you Hales. It would be easier to lie to you and tell you that I'm okay and that this entire situation, as screwy as it may be, will turn out good for everyone involved."

"How do you know it won't?"

"Because Haley." Lucas fumed, slamming his fist down on the counter and getting up. It startled her and she sucked in her breathe as she watched him start pacing in front of the counter. "Do you not understand how him coming back is tearing us apart? How it's tearing me apart?" he asked pointing at the center of his chest.

"God damn it Lucas!" she shot right back. "How the hell do you think I feel? You of all people know how much I lost when he chose to walk away from me all those years ago. But you don't see me leaving now do you? Because no matter what, I can't risk losing you. You're my whole world Lucas. I can't imagine my life without you."

"Funny. I remember you saying those exact same words to Nathan and it seems to me that you did just fine. I didn't figure you one to recycle lines."

She slapped him. He cupped his cheek and stepped away as she slowly dropped her hand. Never in their entire relationship had they fought except maybe over what movie to watch or which restaurant they should eat at. She felt guilty in an instant and moved to touch his face in comfort but he swiftly dodged her, moving away further.

"Lucas I'm so sorry…"

"I never figured you as a slapper either. That deserved a punch in the face really."

"I'm not strong enough." She whispered, sitting down placing her face in her hands; the tears threatening to spill once more.

"To throw a punch? I beg to differ. You've clocked me a few times."

"No, no." she mumbled, looking up to meet him in the eye. "I'm a mess right now and I can't pick up any of the pieces. God, I'm like Humpty Dumpy." She laughed through the tears.

"I picked up the pieces before didn't I?" Lucas asked, taking the seat next to her once more and bringing his hand up to wipe the tears from her eyes. "Hey buddy…"

She couldn't take it any longer as she leaned into his arms as the sobs racked her body. He held her, remember back to the times when he had held her before, consoling her and caring for her. This time could be no different. If he loved her, it was unconditional.

And Lucas loved her.

She debated whether or not to tell him about the baby. Procrastination was not something Haley liked to do, or did rarely if ever. But with things on shaky ground, she didn't want the news to go unappreciated. She wanted it to be a happy event and right now she just wasn't sure if it would go that way.

So she waited.


	11. Love Is a Full Time Job

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews...enjoy and keep them coming. :)**

Love Is a Full Time Job

He stood there, his hands shoved deep in his khaki slacks, fighting the urge to rip the tie from his very neck. He knew all too well how much seven years could change people, lives, towns, but it was all too surreal to him for seven years to not even touch the small high school where he reigned as king.

He shook his head at the sight of the blue rock still sporting his jersey number in big bold white letters. He remembered the day he and Lucas had goofed off while watching Haley, Brooke, and Peyton paint. Haley had gotten more blue paint in her hair than on the rock and he had helped her spend three hours getting it out.

In the middle of the courtyard stood the very table that the six friends had sat in their four years of high school. It was an eerie reminder, like a monument frozen in time. He could almost see Brooke stealing his fries as Haley rested her head on his chest, his arms placed firmly around her middle like he would never let go.

But he did. He let her go and now he was back to stay. Several times the night before he had packed and repacked, almost certain that he was catching the next bus out of Tree Hill. He'd make it just to door, fingers barely grazing the door knob before pulling back as if he had been burned.

This was the cruel fate he was destined to live with. He kept telling himself that he had to do it, that he had to stick around, had to suck up the hurt, and be there for her the way he hadn't years before. It made him sad, it hurt like hell, and it pissed him off more than anything; his slight hangover, bandaged hand, and busted bathroom mirror gave proof to that fact.

His mother had been elated; something happy she could latch onto in the wake of everything sad that had graced the past week of her life. Peyton seemed relieved, even though worry was clearly etched on her ivory face. Lucas he assumed would deal with it, struggling in between being elated that his brother was home and being concerned that his wife's ex husband had returned.

Mostly though, it was the way her eyes lit up that convinced him to stay. She needed him, just like she always had, and far be it from him to be selfish yet again and leave her alone. He mentally set boundaries for himself; he knew he could never be alone with her again and there would be no physically contact of any kind. It would simply be too damn hard.

So he had found himself an apartment; 'the ultimate bachelor's pad' is what the realtor had described it as and he couldn't help but feel like it was a jab at his life from God himself. And well, as much as it pained him to do so, he had to settle down and get a real job.

Welcome to Tree Hill High.

"I can't believe you're back."

"That makes two of us Mouth." Nathan smiled walking up to greet and shake his old friend's hand. "Well at least in a five feet radius."

"It's Mr. McFadden in front of the students Nate."

"Well then it's Mr. Scott to you Mr. McFadden." Nathan smiled as Mouth chuckled.

"How does Coach Scott sound to you?"

X-x-X

Nathan stepped inside the rather small principal's office and sat down. Mouth hadn't given him any time to respond to his request to be a coach and Nathan pondered the offer all the way through the halls of Tree Hill High to right then at that very second. He felt confident that he still had not made a decision.

"Yeah I know what you're thinking." Mouth said interrupting Nathan's thoughts, taking a seat behind the desk. "Nothing's really changed much here."

"No, not here it hasn't."

"But out there, well everything changed huh?" Mouth said and shook his head when he realized Nathan wasn't going to respond. "I'm surprised you went to college. I'm even more shocked that you became a teacher."

"I had to do something."

"I figured you would wind up in the NBA."

"I never played college ball. I uh, I found out I have a heart condition called HCM. I couldn't play anymore."

"I'm really sorry Nathan." Mouth nodded sympathetically.

"I'm not." Nathan said causing Mouth to look on in confusion. "The whole basketball thing, while it was great, it wasn't really the thing for me. I think though if I hadn't have found out about my condition I would've played college ball and I might even have gotten signed but it wouldn't have been what I really wanted."

"So what did you do after college?"

"Traveled. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen and done Mouth. Like I was on this Greyhound bus one time, and I literally helped this girl deliver her baby. I've been all over South America; backpacking through Europe taking odd end jobs to support myself. It was quite the experience."

"I'm sure." Mouth agreed.

"What about you? I thought you would be announcing those NBA games somewhere."

"Nah, I realized that while it was fun in high school, it just wasn't the same once you were an adult. Besides that, I found an amazing girl and decided to plant my roots here. No sense in leaving a good thing.

"Yeah, absolutely." Nathan agreed uncomfortably clearing his throat. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Rachel. Rachel Gatina. She's got about a foot on me, drop dead gorgeous, with a fiery personality to match her hair but she loves me. Actually, we're going to tie the knot in about a month. You should come."

"Definitely. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Now, back to the coaching thing."

"Yeah, I'm not so sure about that."

"Why not?" Mouth frowned. "I mean with Whitey gone…"

"What happened to Whitey?"

"He retired a few years back and ever since then it's been volunteers coaching the team. No one's won state since you took the victory all those years ago."

"We took the victory." Nathan corrected looking up to lock eye contact with Mouth. "Lucas and I took that victory."

"He wanted the position. Lucas, I mean. But he's a sports editor you know and it keeps him on the road a lot and he gets paid more. He couldn't give that up, you know?"

"Yeah I understand that."

"Just give it a try, will you Nathan? The season's about to start in a few weeks and we've got some promising students. They just need the right person to lead them in the right direction. What do you say?

X-x-X

"Hey, I'm glad you called."

"I'm glad you could make it." He smiled kissing her cheek and taking a seat across from her at the table.

"So what are you buying me for lunch?" she asked, looking at her menu as a light breeze blew through the small outdoor café.

"Anything you want."

"Good, then I'll take this side of the menu." She laughed giving him a quick wink.

"You're pregnant and you eat less than you did in high school? Wow." Nathan smirked which caused him to received a light smack from Peyton.

"You're really sticking around this time huh?"

"Well at least for the next year since I signed the lease." He answered as Peyton quickly reached over and hugged him from across the table. "Speaking of which, you have full reign to decorate since I don't want to hear you bitch about how bland and boring white is."

"I do not bitch." She pouted as Nathan quirked up his eyebrow in surprise. "Okay so maybe I do. If you were pregnant six out of seven years you would probably be a bit of bitch too."

"No on told you to be such a whore Peyt." Nathan laughed and tried to guard himself as Peyton slapped him with the menu. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Geez, Peyton, I'm sorry!"

"So you got the job? I never would've pictured you a history teacher."

"Did you picture me as a basketball coach? Because that's apparently what I'm also going to be doing."

"Dude, that's amazing. I can totally picture you doing that. You know Jake teaches music and I teach the art class right? You get the privilege of seeing me everyday."

"Great." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I'm happy you're staying Nate." She said genuinely smiling. "But if you're going to be pissy and moody about it then I don't think you should."

Nathan didn't even wince at her harshness and Peyton placed her hands on her bulging belly and sighed. He didn't even realize the full extent of what he had done; the consequences it had brought on everyone, especially Haley. He didn't even have a clue; she doubted that Haley would even tell him. But Lucas…no, she didn't believe that Lucas would go that low.

"Are you going to Mouth's wedding in a few weeks?" Nathan asked dropping the subject of him staying in Tree Hill.

"Going? Well yeah, considering I'm the photographer. That is if this little one doesn't decide to pop out early. Rachel's wearing my wedding dress. She couldn't stop gushing about beautiful it was. Brooke made it for me."

"She made Haley's too." Nathan replied without ever meaning to. "Well, I mean, at our wedding. I mean, damn."

Nathan rubbed his hand over his buzzed head and blew out his breath. He just dug himself into a hole with that one. But the fact was that he was burdened, with his impending residence in the one place he didn't want to be and the fact that Haley was pregnant and he was the sole protector of her secret.

"You're a really strong person Nathan." Peyton said placing her hand over his. "One of the strongest I know."

"Strong?" he scoffed. "You think being strong is walking away from the love of your life?"

"Well…"

"I call it being a coward." He huffed, removing his hand from her grasp.

"You did it for her though right? I mean you walked away for her benefit even though you loved her?"

"Can we not go down this road again Peyton? I'm tired of talking about it, really I am. I've thought about it enough over the years and over the past few weeks and I'm all thought out on the subject matter. More over, I'm all talked out. I wanted to leave here and try the rest of my life to not think about her ever again. But since I'm staying could that be the taboo subject to talk about?"

"So why are you staying then? I mean if you don't want to." She asked already knowing the answer but needing him to say it for himself.

"She asked me to."

"Why?"

"Damn it, Peyton. Stop. Okay? Just stop it right now. You know why I'm here because it's the same reason I came back. Everything I've ever done since I was sixteen years old has revolved around her. Simply her." Nathan yelled, his anger getting the best of him but quickly calmed down once Peyton gave him her infamous look.

"Alright Nathan. Got it. Stopping now."

"Good."

"I think I'll have the fish and pickles. You?"


	12. Hold You In My Arms

**A/N: I absolutely adore t his story. I'm not just being biased either. I don't get a lot of reviews for it and that's cool, but sometimes I forget about it. I love writing it though and I love the concept. So I hope you enjoy. :)**

Hold You In My Arms

"Yeah Peyton, it's really great. I'm really glad that position opened when it did. Yes, Peyton I'm fine. I'm not sickly or dying. Yes, Mother. Okay, okay. I'm home. I'll call you later."

Haley clicked her cell phone shut and let it slide into her purse as she struggled to open the front door, her small hands clutching several bags of groceries. She let a few curse words slip through her lips before finally opening the door and slipping inside, just barely getting the bags on the counter before the bottom ripped out of two of them.

"Perfect." She muttered, getting down on all fours picking up the oranges that had decided to roll in all directions of the kitchen. Her phone rang and she sat up, blowing her bangs out of her hair and contemplated answering it.

The irony of the situation did not escape her.

"Hello?" she answered breathlessly and waited for someone to answer.

"Haley?"

"Oh, hi Karen." She breathed, shaking her head of all silly thoughts, and taking a seat at the counter. "How are you?"

"I was calling to ask you that dear." The older lady chuckled on the other end. "We need to have lunch."

"I think that would be nice."

"Good. Meet at the café in about half and hour."

_CLICK_

Haley sighed throwing her sunglasses on top of her head as she stood in front of the café. It hadn't been opened in over a year; not since Dan had fallen so ill he had remained bedridden. A part of her was grateful for that; she didn't have to go there and be haunted by memories of her past.

"It's a bit dusty in here." Karen said from her position behind the counter.

"It's still the same ol' place though."

"I'm going to reopen it, you know. Soon." Karen announced as Haley took a seat in front of her. "Dan made me promise I would."

"I think that's really good Karen."

"So, I wanted to talk to you. With everything that happened so fast, I never got to see how you were with Nathan coming back."

"Honestly, I'm a mess." Haley told her honestly as Karen gave her a sympathetic smile. She came from around the counter and sat beside Haley, taking her hand.

"We were sitting right here you know?"

"What?"

"Nathan and I were sitting in these two very stools when he came to me and asked me for my grandmother's ring."

"Is it wrong to be in love with two people at once?"

"No, it's not sweetie. In fact I know just how you feel."

"But you and Dad were so in love." Haley said, slightly confused.

"We were." Karen agreed. "I dated Keith first you know."

"Uncle Keith? No way."

Karen grinned sheepishly as she sprayed the counter with lemon cleaner and took to wiping away a year's worth of dust. It was years and years ago, she was young, the lines in her forehead were non existent and she was just as confused as the young woman in front of her.

"Since we were kids. It's funny, the more I think about it, the more it seems like your situation. Keith was older though and we all grew up together. Naturally, Keith being older asked me out first and yeah, I fell in love with him."

"So what happened then? How did you end up with Dan?"

"Keith joined the military when he was eighteen and got shipped off overseas. I was still in high school. Eventually, the more I was with Dan and the more I got to know him and less I heard from Keith, I fell in love with Dan. I knew he was my soul mate. "

"How, how did Keith take the news." Haley asked nervously.

"He never even knew about us until after we got married. Keith stopped responding to all of our letters eventually. Then one day, shortly after I opened the café actually, he popped up."

"Oh my."

"It didn't help that I was nearly seven months pregnant."

Karen looked up and could almost see Keith walking into the door just as he had decades ago. She couldn't offer up any advice to the daughter in front of her, none that would help her the way she needed help. Its was a tough situation, she knew first hand, but in the end she had followed her heart and not her obligation. That, in the end, had produced two beautiful boys and a lifetime of happiness.

"Is that why he's never around?"

"Keith? Yeah. He stayed for a few months until after the boys were born. Then after that it was every couple of years. Mae says he's around, traveling the world. You don't realize the power you have over a man until you see them cry because of something you did."

"Do you think I was wrong?" Haley asked looking up and Karen reached over to wipe the tears threatening to fall down her face. "I mean if you thought I was making the wrong decision you would've told me right? I waited years for him and Lucas he's, he's…"

"He's not Nathan."

"No, Nathan left. Why can't I let that go?"

"Because it was the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened to you for more reason's than one. You lost your first love and your best friend and your husband. Not to mention…"

"Don't."

Karen sighed as she watched Haley swipe away the few rogue tears and run a hand through her unruly hair. Yes, their situations were very similar. But as mother to both of Haley's husbands, she couldn't in any standard say that she belonged to one over the other. Even if she had strong convictions towards one.

"I'm sorry." Karen apologized, knowing that Haley was as nice and as sweet as a person could get but her threats were not something to be taken lightly.

"No, I'm so sorry Karen. It's just that's not something I like to think about. Nathan doesn't even know."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I don't see how me telling him would do any good. I mean he already feels guilty enough about everything. What good is bringing up the past going to do?"

"It's going to help you move on for the future. "

"What should I do?"

That was the question that Karen was dreading. She knew it would be asked and she knew, as a mother figure for Haley, that it was her duty to answer. But truth be told, she couldn't answer that in a definitive way. As much as she wanted someone to decide that, herself, her boys; she knew that Haley was the one that had to dig deep down and do the soul searching to provide an answer.

"I don't think you were wrong Haley; I really don't. No one does. I really think you should let that go. You've gotta look towards your future now. You're twenty four years old, talented, beautiful, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. It won't do you any good to dwell in the past." Karen stated reaching over and caressing the young woman's cheek.

"Yeah but the past is just living right around the block."

X-x-X

Haley frowned as she stared at the clock above the mantle for what seemed like the millionth time. It was well after ten in the evening and Lucas was no where to be found. He was due home several hours before and had yet to pick up a phone call or tried to get in reach with her. She hated this more than anything. She didn't know whether to be worried or to be pissed.

She also knew that Lucas knew how much it disturbed her. Abandonment was not something she dealt with easily; not since Nathan had left without so much a word or a phone call. With the stress of her impending pregnancy, she couldn't deal with this, not after everything that had happened before.

She had done her part and stayed away from Nathan. It was all so confusing to her, her devotion to her first love and her loyalty to her husband. But she was after all, Haley, and even since she was a child is was always in her nature to do the right thing. The right thing in this situation of course to stay with her husband.

Lucas.

"You finally decided to come home?"

He stumbled in, staring at her intently as he flopped down on the couch in front of her. She wrapped the blanket draped over her tight around her shoulders from her perch on the living room chair and chose to concentrate on the dancing flames of the fireplace in front of them. It could almost be romantic.

"Didn't know I was on such a short leash." He bit out he knew too harshly.

"I don't like to worry about you. It's not fun not knowing whether or not your husband is ever going to come home." She said softly.

"So I went out and had a few drink after work. Is that such a crime now?"

"No Lucas." She sighed. "I'm not trying to argue with you. But we've always had a system. If we're going to be even two minutes late, we call. I don't want to lose you."

His head snapped up when he heard her utter that particular statement. Of course it meant everything to him to hear those words. The truth was, he didn't know where his head was or what he was doing. This was the girl of his dreams sitting right in front of her, the person he loved more than anything and nothing but leaving her consumed his thoughts. The pain of the situation was just too much for him to bear.

"And I'm not letting you sink me to an oblivion with you." She stated getting up. "I'd like to think I'm a strong person, but I'm not going to let you take the love I have for you and tarnish it."

"I saw a lawyer today." He said quietly stopping her dead in her tracks. "I told him I didn't want anything from you. The house, the car, and everything that we ever made together could be yours. It would be easy, clean cut."

"Easy?" she repeated turning around to face him, a fire in her eyes he hadn't seen in ages. "This is supposed to be easy?"

"Sure."

"You think this is funny?" she yelled as a smirk crossed his features and he shrugged in indifference. "Of all the things I would say to describe you Lucas Scott, being a jackass isn't one of them."

"Whore's not something I would describe you as but it the only word coming to mind at the moment."

She snapped. She didn't care if he was hurting, she didn't care if he was her husband, and the blatant disregard he just showed her was enough to send her into a fit of fury. Before he could even respond, think about what he had said, she upon him, jerking him up to the best of her ability and slapping him firmly across his cheek. He stumbled back slightly, cupping his jaw, a smirk still plastered on his handsome features.

"The funny thing is Lucas," she started, reaching up and grabbing his chin the one of her hands and pulling him close. "the only thing I ever considered myself was your best friend, your wife, and mother of your children. And for you to even think of me in a way other than that, it's just horrible. If that's the way you really feel, then give me the damn papers. I've been hurt enough."

"Oh you've been hurt?" he chuckled bitterly as she let him go and began walking away. "I just married you because Brooke died right? And you just married me because Nathan left. The only difference there being I've been in love with you since I was fifteen years old. When have you ever been in love with me?"

She wanted to tell him the moment she married him. She wanted to say the moment he gave her the life growing inside of her. She wanted to say every morning she woke up in his strong arms. She wanted to say every time she laughed. Every time she smiled. Every time she felt beautiful because of the way he looked at her.

She refused to.

"If you don't know that Lucas then I've, man, I've really failed."

"Our wedding day." He spoke, stopping her once more. "You told me to pick out a song that held the most meaning to us. After you slipped off your shoes," she laughed through her tears as he smiled at the memory. "you stood on mine. You were worried that you were going to hurt me. I promised you that nothing you could do would ever hurt me."

"Luke…"

"You started crying when you heard the song I picked out. As I sang to you "Hold You In My Arms", horribly off key if I remember correctly, you looked at me. That look was enough to make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Like you absolutely adored me."

"I do adore you." She chocked out, coming up and taking both of his hands. "And I'm in love with you."

"I'm sorry. I know. I knew that day as I wiped your tears away that I was it for you. I'm still it for you." She didn't respond, instead flinging her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately.


	13. To Wish Impossible Things

**A/N:Thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy!**

To Wish Impossible Things

"Alright guys, good practice. That's it for today."

Nathan sighed, rubbing his hand over his buzzed head as he took a seat on the bleachers. He watched as his promising varsity team made their way out of the gym and into the locker rooms. The past week had been nothing short of pure hell; getting his head back in the game, teaching, and above all, avoiding any kind of real human contact.  
He knew she would find him sooner or later, seeking his advice or simply just missing him and wanting to hear his voice. Peyton had so kindly informed him that she had taken a job at the hospital, again caring for cancer patients and it was taking up a lot of her time. She also told him that she was worried about how pale and tired she looked.

Of course he knew the real reason for that and he hated and loved that he had that knowledge all at the same time. It wasn't fair to Lucas that he didn't know, that she wouldn't tell him. He contemplated what he would've felt like had Haley not told him but he doubted that she would keep that from him. She had no reason to. On the other hand, it made him feel good that through everything that had happened, he was still the keeper of her secrets.

Sitting there now though, it was almost as if he was in high school all over again. It reminded him of all the times he'd sit and wait for Haley to get down with tutoring or cheerleading, whichever she had done that day. She would walk through the double doors and smile at him, and together, along with Lucas would usually walk home.

It was ironic how inseparable the three had been in those days. The twins, the brothers, the best friends who shared everything; including the love of a game and the love of the same girl. The girl who loved both of them. And the bond that connected them throughout their lives.

He hadn't talked to his brother in two and a half weeks. It amazed him that he had only been back in such a short period of time and already so much had happened. So much had changed. He hadn't expected everything to be so screwed up when he returned. Now, he just had to deal with the consequences of his previous actions.

"Nathan!" Mouth called out to Nathan as the double doors behind him slammed shut.  
"What's up Mouth?" Nathan came up to him and shook his hand.

"I'm hearing great things about what you're doing with the team. And from what I understand, you're like the hottest teacher to ever grace these halls." Mouth explained with a chuckle.

"Yeah, yeah." Nathan blushed looking at the floor briefly. "You've got a solid varsity team this year Mouth. With the right conditioning-"

"And the right coach…"

"I think we've got a good chance of going to state."

"That's good to hear. I'm sure Whitey would be proud of you. But listen, that's not actually what I'm hear to talk to you about."

"Oh?"

Mouth looked down at his shoes and looked up sheepishly. This was going to be touch to sell to Nathan, he knew, but he also figured it to be the only opportunity to get the two brothers next to each other without fighting and possibly able to mend the mess they had made.

"I need a favor. I huge favor. You remember Jimmy Edwards?"

"You're best friend from high school?" Nathan asked searching for a face in his memory bank.

"Yep, that's him. He's still my best friend. Actually, he was supposed to be my best man."

"But now he can't." Nathan assumed as Mouth nodded. "I dunno Mouth…"

"Look, Rachel's hell bent on making this the picture perfect day. And if I don't have the perfect amount of groomsmen to match her perfect amount of bridesmaids, she'll have my head. And not in a good way." Mouth frowned before shaking his head.

"What happened to Jimmy?"

"He's on the road with the Bobcats, announcing the games through a pod cast for their website. He was supposed to be off that weekend but a charity game came up and now he can't make it."

"We haven't talked in seven years Mouth. You sure you want me to be your best man?"

"No, I don't want you to be my best man." Mouth corrected quickly, giving Nathan a confused look. "Whitey's going to be my best man. You're just going to one of the groomsmen. You get to walk a pretty lady down the aisle."

"Sure Mouth." Nathan laughed, clapping his friend on the back of his shoulder. "Just tell me when I need to get fitted for my tux."

X-x-X

Whoever said being a bachelor was living the life, seriously never had a good woman cook a made from scratch meal. Nathan didn't know what to do with himself or his time or a pot since he had been living on the road and out of a suitcase for the last seven years. Staring at the TV dinner in front of him and looking around his empty apartment, he wondered what he was doing.

College was one thing. He got a four year degree in two and a half, trying desperately to get out there as soon as possible. He went to school, studied, ate, and slept. After that, he was never in one place for more than a month. He had more jobs than he could count on all of his digits and learned more than had ever thought possible.

A knock interrupted his thoughts and he threw away the nuked food on his way to answer the door. He threw up the door, knowing it could only be one of three people. His mother, forever coming to check up on him. Peyton, always keeping him informed of Haley's activities, whether he wanted to know or not. Or Haley herself, maybe coming over to drop yet another bomb in his life.

"Lucas?" Nathan asked, almost confirming to himself that in fact his brother was not standing in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"You don't know how to invite someone in your home now?" Lucas grumbled, shoving his way past Nathan and taking a seat on the sofa.

"Sure come right on in." Nathan gestured to the empty space in front of him, shutting the door. He walked into the living room and remained standing, his arms crossed firmly over his chest. "What do you want Lucas?"

"You need to get a phone. No one can ever get in touch with you."

"Why do you need to get in touch with me?"

"I don't." Lucas snapped, mimicking Nathan's tone and stature by crossing his arms over his chest too. "But Mom does."

"What does Mom need?" Nathan amended in a softer tone.

"Apparently Dad revised his will before he died. We have to go to a reading of the will on Monday." Lucas explained, dropping his hands to his sides.

"What time?"

"4:30. At Dad's house." Lucas answered as he began to leave.

"Why did you come?" Nathan inquired, stopping Lucas just as he was about to turn the handle.

"I just told you."

"No, why did _you_ come?" Nathan asked once more rolling his eyes.

Lucas debated whether or not to answer or just simply walk out of the door. His head was screaming to just leave; to walk out of the sticky situation and let things blow over. It was important anyway; his mom had practically forced him out the house and Haley had encouraged him to make things better even though he didn't really care at the moment.

His heart though, was a different matter. It would be a lie to say he hadn't missed his brother, hadn't needed him at one point or another over the past seven years. Even though he loved his wife and never regretted marrying her for a second, a part of him still and always would feel guilty for doing so. Nobody would ever capture Nathan's heart quite like Haley had and Lucas had took that away from him.

"I've got a twelve pack and a basketball in the car. The rivercourt's been calling me for weeks now." Lucas answered walking out the door, but leaving it open. He waited five minutes in his car, sighing and starting up the engine when he saw no sign of Nathan.

"The rivercourt's been calling you for weeks now? It's been calling me for years bro." Nathan said climbing into the passenger seat and buckling up. He looked at his brother for a moment before nodding his head. "Let's go."

X-x-X

"That weak ass fade away!" Nathan laughed as he caught the rebound from Lucas's shot.

"Oh and yours is so much better?" Lucas retorted stepping up to Nathan and holding his hands over his head, blocking Nathan's shot.

"Dude, mine's always been better." Nathan grinned faking left and then stepping to the right, shooting the ball and watching as it landed in the basket for a perfect three pointer. "Nothing but net baby."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm out of shape."

"Dude, you just suck. Admit it." Nathan chuckled as he jogged over to get the ball and walked to the table where Lucas was sitting down. He took a beer out for himself and chucked one to Nathan.

"It's been a long time." Lucas panted, rubbing his face with the hem of his shirt. Nathan didn't respond, instead nodding his head taking a long sip out of his can. "So how's coaching going?"

"It's good. It's different then being on the other end of it." Nathan answered, thankful that the subject of the two of them was being dropped. It was one thing to sit there and pretend that nothing was going on between them. That was fairly easy. Talking about it, airing it out, it just wasn't something he was ready to do yet.

"I wish I had had the time to do it. Somehow I always thought I would end up the teacher and the coach and you would end up being in the sports industry."

"Did you ever get tested for HCM Luke?" Lucas shook his head no and Nathan finished the rest of his beer, tossing it effortlessly into the trashcan.

"Why would I get tested for a heart condition?"

"Because I have it. I'm thinking Dad did too. It's genetic, I'm sure you know that."

"Yeah, I'm aware of it. Most scouts nowadays won't sign anyone with them being tested out for it. I had no idea it ran in our family though." Lucas shook his head in disappointment. Nathan would've made one hell of a ball player.

Nathan cleared his throat. "So when you and Haley have children, you need to keep an eye on it. It's a fifty/fifty chance."

"Do you think we'll ever get back to the way it used to be?"

"I dunno Luke." Nathan told him honestly. "I hope so."


	14. Catalyst

**A/N: Sorry guys, with the lack of reviews I kind of forgot about this story even though it's one of my favorite to write. So enjoy and I'm almost positive this story will be no more than six more chapters. We'll see though. Leave some love, and maybe, hopefully I remember to write some more :) P.S. Three reviews? Is it really that bad?  
**

Catalyst

Haley sighed, looking at herself once more in the mirror. Tonight she had to go out for Rachel's bachelorette party and honestly, she wasn't looking forward to it. Rachel had a flair for outrageousness, and she had been pretty tired in the past several days. Not only that, she had to figure out how to avoid drinking alcohol for the night without arising any suspicions.

Things had been strained at best with Lucas and their marriage, even though she was happy that his relationship with Nathan was well on it was to recovery. Lucas had showed up at every one of Nathan's practices, offering advice and afterwards the two would shot hoops at the river court. She made herself scarce whenever Nathan happened to come over to their home and she wondered if it would always be this awkward between the three of them.

She supposed it would be, but she would have a baby soon, and that would occupy a lot of her time. Mostly though, she just hoped that it would bridge the bond between her and Lucas that Nathan's returned had somehow broken. Lucas had barely spoken to her in the past several days, and she took it with a grain of salt. Things were difficult, of course, and strange and she didn't blame in the slightest.

The one meaningful conversation they did have was that very morning when he informed her that he would be gone for the next several days on a business trip. She could tell he was apprehensive; even going as far to tell her that Nathan would be busy getting the team into shape. He had mentioned it casually, but she took it more as a small warning. She hadn't taken it as a threat but she knew he was threatened by him leaving and Nathan being there.

It was hard, having Nathan so close, within her fingertips and not being able to touch him. Not being able to talk to him other than the standard greeting here and there. But she did love Lucas and she wanted to stay married to him, so whatever she felt for Nathan didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She was just going to have to deal with it.

"You almost ready?" Peyton asked, popping her head into Haley's bedroom.

"Almost." Haley answered, running her fingers through her hair and pulling her earrings through her ears. Peyton made her way in and plopped herself down on the bed. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I am. I think it just kind of sucks that I'm pregnant. I'll be the only one not getting drunk and having a good time." She grumbled, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach.

"You're still have a good time." Haley teased turning around to face her. "In fact, I won't drink too so you won't be left out."

"Alright." Peyton shrugged indifferently, feeling oddly curious as to why Haley would volunteer such a thing. She knew Haley wasn't much of a drinker anyway, but the tiny brunette could hold her beer and liquor quite well. "I still hope Rachel keeps the fun down to a minimum."

"Well, if she's anything like Brooke that would be a negative."

Haley laughed, somewhat awkwardly as Peyton did the same. Even after the past several years, it was still a sore subject between the two friends. Brooke, of course, had belonged to Peyton first and Haley sensed that Peyton would always hold a little bit of resentment towards her for moving in on Lucas so quickly after Brooke's death.

She had never considered it moving in though; it was a big step for both of them and a little hard to adjust. Brooke had just died and Haley herself had just signed annulment papers from her MIA husband. It was a shock to most, and honestly she felt as if it broke everyone's hearts a little bit; even Karen and especially herself.

"So, are we driving over together?" Peyton questioned, ever the best at smoothly changing the subject. She was, after all, the queen of avoidance, and weird conversations where not her strong suit.

"Uh, I was planning on driving by myself. I'm not feeling too well and I probably won't stay too long."

Peyton nodded, watching as Haley bent down, slipping on her shoes. Haley was one of her best friends, but she felt as if Nathan coming back had not only changed everyone's lives dramatically, but it put her in an impossible position. She considered herself to share an equal bond with both Scott brothers; having dated Lucas and Nathan briefly.

Lucas was quiet and broody and loved all the same music that Peyton adored. They could talk for hours on end about their deep thoughts and the complexities of the music they listened to. Nathan, on the other hand, tailored more to her exciting and free side. He was spontaneous, outgoing, and she could read him like a book.

She felt a strong loyalty to the Lucas, mostly because of Brooke. The bubbly brunette was fiercely strong and independent, never one to rely on a boy to give her happiness. When Lucas came along, she allowed herself to fall, and fall hard, even though she knew deep down he would never love her the same. But Brooke, she knew, would always want Lucas happy. Even if it wasn't with her, that's just the kind of person she was.

And Nathan, she respected. If he had stayed, it would have been disastrous. He was the kind of guy that would give you his left arm, quite willingly but at the same time, he was pretty self destructive. She knew, as well as he did that staying would only have made him resent the person he loved the most and it wouldn't have been fair to either of them, their marriage, or their love.

"Well I'm ready." Haley announced, looking at herself once more in the mirror. She wasn't far along, not by far, but she was still entirely self conscious about how she appeared. She didn't want her secret out before she had a chance to tell Lucas himself.

Whenever that opportunity presented itself.

X-x-X

Haley cursed as her old car made a horrid noise and sputtered all the way to the side of the road. It was well past midnight and she was beat. Rachel's party had been somewhat of an event and she had fun, but it was too much for herself to handle. She groaned in the steering wheel in frustration, as she realized that Rachel would be too trashed, Peyton had gotten sick and went home, and Lucas was out of town.

Grabbing the flashlight out of her glove compartment and popping the hood, she stepped out into the dark. She was sure her mind was overreacting as she realized she was probably in the remotest part of town. She looked around first and then pushed the hood up onto the support bar. Putting the flashlight in her mouth, she went about checking all the components of the engine.

"Great." She muttered as she found the busted radiator hose. She stepped back, running a hand through the mess she called her hair and sighed. "Alright, let's do this."

Flashback

"_Is there a reason why I'm in this monkey suit?"_

_Nathan chuckled as he took in Haley's appearance. She was dressed in his work uniform, which happened to be a mechanics suit from his father's dealership. She loved it on him and he was happy to wear it for her, but seeing her in his oversized jump suit, made his pants tighten just a little._

"_Because babe, you need to learn how to fix you car in case anything happens to it." He explained, taking her hand and leading her to the car. She pouted the entire way there and once they reached it, he gently kissed her nose. "Besides, you totally look hot."_

"_Shut up." She popped him with the rag that had been sticking out of her pocket. "So why do I need to fix the car if I'm married to you."_

"_What if I'm not always around?" he retorted, as she hopped on the hood of the car and pulled him in between her legs. She snuggled her head in his chest as he took in her scent. "Besides, you're tutor girl. Why wouldn't you want to learn?"_

"_Because it's gross!" she whined and squealed when Nathan took some oil and rubbed it on her nose. "Nathan!"_

"_Hales!" he mocked, stepping away from her and tripping of the tools he had previously laid out. "Oww."_

"_That's what you get." Haley teased standing over him. In one swift moment, he had grabbed her and pulled her on top of him. "Love me?"_

"_Yup."_

"_How much?"_

"_This much." He showed her putting his thumb and finger slightly apart. Her mouth flew open in shock. "Out of this much." He finished, pushing his fingers closer together. "I love you more than anything. More than I could ever possibly show you."_

"_You're just bribing me so I'll get underneath the nasty car." She mused, smirking slightly. "But I guess it worked."_

"_Good." He smiled, pulling them both up at the same time and popping a chaste kiss on her lips. "Now pop the hood."_

End Flashback

Haley smiled despite herself at the memory. It had been just a few weeks after they had gotten married and it just happened to be the only Saturday the pair had off. They spent the entire day fixing the junk car her uncle had given them, and not only had it been a learning experience, but they gained a car and a lot of laughs out of the process.

Lucas didn't even know she could change the oil in the car. It wasn't something she ever planned on not telling him, it was just something that didn't come up. He took care of the cars and she took care of the house. That was what worked for them. She briefly wondered if it was something she didn't want to bond with him over since she had done it with Nathan first.

She turned when she saw headlights shine from behind her and was almost frightened until she recognized the truck. Seven years and she never saw him and now he was suddenly popping up everywhere. She turned back towards the car once she saw him getting out of his and started working.

"Hales?" he questioned as he hesitantly approached her. It had been some time since he held a conversation with her. She was always dodging him, making up some kind of excuse or errand as to why she couldn't stay around. "What happened?"

"The hose busted." She explained holding up the hose so he could see. "I didn't have anyone to call so I was going to try and fix it."

"You could've called me." He said, leaning over the engine to look at the hose. "I didn't think you would still remember how to do this."

"Yeah, well, I remember a lot of things." she replied and he looked at her curiously before standing up straight. She wasn't sure why she was being so cold all of a sudden, but she knew it wasn't very fair.

"Luckily, I've got dad's old truck."

"So?"

"He's got tools." Nathan grinned, jogging to the truck. Once he returned he didn't wait long to launch into conversation. He had missed her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. It comes and goes." She answered, reaching to help him. He quickly swatted her away. "Hey! I can help you, you know."

"No, you can't."

"Why the hell not?"

He had to laugh her determination. "Because you're pregnant."

"I'm not incapacitated!" she yelled as he continued to work. "I mean, I'm not fat yet; wait. Am I? You think I'm fat. You think I'm too fat to get in there. My big fat pregnant stomach is too bloated to get past the engine!"

"Hales." Nathan said, standing up and placing his hands on either side of her arms. She glanced at his hands and then glared at him. "You're not fat okay? You're gorgeous. I just don't want you to strain yourself. Let me take care of it okay?"

"Fine." She relented crossing her arms over her chest. "What the hell are you doing out here anyway?"

"Just going for a drive." He shrugged; pulling of his sweatshirt as she automatically took it from his hands. "Thanks."

"You do it often? Going for midnight drives?"

"Sometimes." He grimaced as he struggled to unscrew a bolt. "I got used to it when I was traveling. I never slept all the way through the night. I was always traveling at weird times, never always during the day and never always during the night. It was pretty random and sporadic."

"Kinda like now?" she quirked up her eyebrow in amusement. "Well I'm glad you came. And you know, if you want to talk about your travels, about your seven years away I get it."

"I don't want to hurt you." He said quietly looking at her. "I mean, you're the person I would love to tell everything to but I don't want to dredge up any hurtful memories."

"It would hurt me more if you didn't tell me." She replied honestly, taking a seat a nearby log. "You left Nathan. I missed you. So I want to know everything about your life that I missed."

"You'll tell me everything that I missed out on?"

"Anything you want to know." She nodded, smiling at him.

"Good." He stood up and shut the hood. "It's all fixed, for now. Tomorrow you'll have to go and get a replacement hose but it'll get you home for now."

"Or," she started, standing up and walking towards him. "We could not chance it and you could take me home."

"And then what?"

"Then tomorrow you could come back and fix it the right way."

"That's not what I meant."

"Yeah, I know."


	15. Cracks In The Sky

**A/N: So reviews were...slack at best. Hopefully, I'll get some more this chapter. Thanks to those who did review though and there's only a few more chapters left. Enjoy!**

Cracks In The Sky

Haley sat back against the wall, running the back of her palm across her mouth. She haphazardly reached over, effectively flushing the toilet before running her fingers through her hair. It seemed her morning sickness would never go away. Not only that, but it seemed like the most horrible feeling in the world. Rubbing her hand over her growing belly, she felt a pain of guilt pass through her for once again wishing that she was seventeen and pregnant with Nathan's child.

No matter how much she convinced herself that she wanted to be with Lucas, she knew deep down it was more out of loyalty. She did love Lucas, she was in love with him, but it was no where near what she felt for Nathan. Looking back, it did seem somewhat naïve to catapult herself into a relationship with one of her best friends and the brother of her soul mate. She just never thought of him returning and it being such a mess.

Nathan, forever doing to right thing, had dropped Haley off the night he took her home with a simple 'you're welcome' and left. However wrong it may have been, she was still disappointed. She wasn't sure if it was hormones or just him being right around the corner, but she found herself longing more and more to be with him. The car was towed the next day and fixed and when Lucas arrived home a few days later, the episode wasn't mentioned.

Lucas had seemed to cool off a bit, his icy exterior melting slightly. It was Haley not who intentionally or not, placed distance between them. It pained her to make her remember that this was exactly how it was weeks before Nathan had left. She often wondered if she really was doing it on purpose, pushing him away so that in the end she might end up with Nathan. She didn't want to believe she was capable of that, not by any means, but her emotions were all over the place most days.

Pushing herself up the wall, she tightly wrapped her robe around her waist and walked to the sink. Splashing cool water on her face she stared in the mirror making a vow to herself, her marriage, her child, and foremost, her love for Lucas to make this work. She had managed to suppress her feelings for Nathan for the past seven years. Just because he was suddenly thrown in her life again didn't make her want to forget the last seven without him.

"Hey babe, you alright?" Lucas asked concerned coming into the bathroom. "You're not getting sick are you?"

Haley shook her head. "No, I think it was just something I ate." She gave him a forced smile and rolled her eyes at him trying to tie his tie. "Here let me."

"You know, I only learned not to so you would do it for me." He flirted as she expertly looped the tie.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?"

"This way, I get to smell you." He kissed her lips softly giving her a small smile. "And I get to apologize for being such a jackass."

"You were a bit of one, weren't you?" she teased, running her hands down his torso. "It's a good thing I love you."

"It's a very good thing." He smirked kissing her once again with a bit more passion. "I love you too, you know."

He was so sure he was going to lose her. Even with things healing up nicely with his brother, the lingering doubt in the back of his mind nearly pushed him to edge. He supposed he would always wonder about them and there really was no avoiding that. He was in love with his wife and regardless of whether or not she was Nathan's first, she was with him now. He wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Not that Nathan was fighting him. He trusted Nathan and he trusted Haley; hell he even trusted them together. They would never do anything intentionally to hurt him. But knowing the feelings that were still so strong, so evident between them did enough damage to his heart. In his future, he saw her, so even though this time was awkward and weird now, eventually he hoped that it would get better.

He prayed.

His mother and Peyton were always on his case; making sure he was okay and making sure that he knew they were there. As if he couldn't know. It was like when Brooke died, only it seemed worse. When she died, it was so sudden, he just had to deal with it the best way he could and move on. If Haley left him for Nathan then he would have to live with it for the rest of his life and he wasn't so sure he could do that.

"So you've got your speech prepared?"

He groaned. "I do. But you know, as much as I love how good Rachel is for Mouth, she and I just do not click."

"I know." She scrunched up her nose in amusement. "But you're an excellent writer Luke. And Mouth is one of your oldest friends. Whatever you say is going to be amazing."

"You're always so positive. How do you think this whole thing is going to go over? Maybe Peyton will go into labor and we can leave half was through it." Lucas mused, shuttering at the evening at hand.

"Lucas!" Haley admonished, smacking his chest lightly. "I don't know what to do with you most days. Now where's you're speech. I want to read it."

"In my briefcase." He answered, shaking his head. "I don't understand why you want to read it. You're going to spoil it."

"No, I won't cry at the wedding, ruining my make up." She reasoned as she walked into the bedroom to Lucas's briefcase.

Reaching into the leather bag, she thumbed through the papers looking for his speech. Her fingers paused when a particular document caught her eye. Confusion masked her features as she pulled the papers out and lifted the top page for closer inspection. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She didn't even hear him come up behind her until he wrapped his arms out her waist. Quickly, she wretched herself out of his grasp and threw the papers at his chest to which he barely caught.

"What the hell is that Lucas?" she demanded, catching in off guard. "You said you talked to a lawyer. You never said you had papers drawn up!"

"Will you let me explain?" he flinched at the tone in her voice and hurt crossing her features. "This isn't what it looks like."

"It's divorce papers! Don't patronize me!"

"I didn't know how things were going to end up. I was just trying to protect myself."

"We're going to be late." She choked out, walking to the closet and pulling out her dress. Avoiding the issue would be the best thing she could do at the moment. Working herself into a state wouldn't fix the problem and it wouldn't make her feel any better. "We have to go do our speeches…about love."

"Look." He commanded and once she willed herself to do so, he instantly spilt the papers in half, tossing them into the trashcan. "I was stupid okay? That is not what I want at all. I want to be with you."

"Can we just forget about this?" she whispered, fingering the fabric of her dress. "You know, I'm not dwelling in the past. But you are. Let it go Luke. I'm here, I'm with you, and if you would ever get your head out of your ass, we could be happy."

"We were happy!" he yelled, a bit louder than he had intended to. Hurt crossed her features and he immediately regretted it. Frustrated, he swiped everything off the dresser in front of him, startling her in the process.

"Lucas!" Haley scolding, forcing herself to keep her emotions in check. This was not the time to break down. "This is not the time or place to do this. We've never fought like this. Ever. Not even when you pissed me off more than I could possibly imagine. So stop it right now. Just stop."

"What are we supposed to do?" he pleaded, desperate for some kind of relief from all the pressure around him. "How are we supposed to do this?"

"The same damn way we've been doing the past seven years!"

She didn't wait for a response and didn't really want to hear it anyway. Deep down, she knew she was lashing out because she felt guilty. As much as she tried, she couldn't help it. The feelings were always there and she assumed that they would always remain. Without another word, she slipped on her dress, pulling her hair out from underneath and walked out of the room.

God, and she was pregnant. She was pregnant and he was filing for divorce. What had there marriage come to in just a few short weeks? And before Nathan had shown up on her doorstep they were blissfully happy. She was happy. Their marriage was solid; Lucas was a great husband, and she found out she was pregnant. Now they were fighting each other and she was fighting feelings she thought she had snuffed out years ago.

Walking down the stairs, she stopped suddenly when she saw Nathan standing in her foyer. She swallowed the sob that threatened to erupt from her throat. He was wearing a suit and for some reason it reminded her of the day they had gotten married. He had shown up while she was getting ready, suit and all. She remembered scolding him for seeing her beforehand because it was bad luck. Hindsight might have told her it was. But he had simply wanted to tell her that he loved her and no matter what, no matter what anyone thought, their marriage wasn't a mistake.

"Are you okay?" he asked, touching her arm lightly in an attempt to shake her out of her daze. "You're looking a little flushed. Did you get sick?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm going to head over to Rachel's and see if she needs any help with anything. Let him know will you?" she answered shortly, reaching for the door but pausing before going through it, refusing to even look at him. "You look good, you know."

"I'd look better with just the shirt and some khaki shorts huh?"

She turned to look at him sadly. "You did. I'm sure you still would."

Nathan exhaled loudly and shoved his hands in his pockets as he watched her walk out the door. He decided that regardless of how much time would pass between now and the rest of their lives, things would always be awkward. There would always be the weird pauses and longing glances. Secret innuendos between the two that no one would really understand. He gathered his senses before jogging up the stairs to talk to his brother; the brother that was married to the love of his life.

"Well you look pissed and she looked hurt, so what the hell happened?" Nathan questioned upon coming into the room and seeing Lucas tugging at his tie. Lucas gave him a pointed look and took a seat on the bed. "Luke?"

"She found divorce papers."

"Smooth man." Nathan commented, plopping down on the bed beside Lucas. "Dude, seriously?"

"Well at least with divorce it acknowledges that the marriage existed. Does annulment do that?" Lucas bit out without even thinking. He took a moment and sighed. "Look, man I'm sorry. That was out of line."

"Well it's not like you're wrong." Nathan conceded, shrugging his shoulders. "Okay look. Let me give you some of my wise advice, considering I know a thing or two about this particular situation."

"Or two." Lucas parroted, amusement lacing his voice.

"I left her." Nathan started, feeling the pain in his gut from just muttering the words. "And the reason doesn't really matter. There was, are, so many I could choose from. One day I just stop and think. Then I just show up on her doorstep and expect everything to be okay. Like the last seven years didn't occur. Think about how she feels man. Being married to you now and having been married to me a lifetime ago. She's vulnerable; she's scared out of her mind."

"I know that." Lucas growled, getting off the bed. "There's nothing you can say that I don't know."

Nathan jumped up as well. "You knowing something and understanding it are two different things. You jack ass. I left her and now you're threatening her to do the same. You can't do things like that!"

If there were ever a crossroad where he had to choose between following his heart and being a good brother, Nathan was at that crossroad now. Nearly every fiber in his body wanted to scream that he loved her, that he should be with her, and yet every word out of his mouth was to help his brother keep her. A lot of it was for Haley as well. He knew that she was having second thoughts about them but it was forever in her nature to do the right thing. She would remain with Lucas and he wanted to make that as easy as possible.

Lucas knew he was right. He had his doubts and his fears but he was in love with her as much as he was when he was a teenage; undoubtedly more. Being without her, after having her for so long, just didn't seem like an option any more. When he pictured his future, he pictured her beside him. One day having a family, and growing old together. He wasn't about to give that up.

Nathan ran a hand through his unruly hair. "This is just weird." He finally said after a few moments of silence.

"Are you still in love with her?"

To say the question caught Nathan off guard would be an understatement. It was so obvious to everyone that he was sure it was written all over him. Lucas was picking a fight. The two brothers were vastly different in nearly every way, but they were quick to anger and quick to lash out. If they were mad at someone or something they didn't want to be, they picked the next best thing or person.

"I know you're upset about everything going on, and this whole wedding shindig with all the love flying around isn't helping matters. If you think I'm going to let you start placing blame on me for your insecurities, you're out of you mind. Yeah Luke, I'm back. In the flesh and I live around the corner. But man, she doesn't come home to me every night. She comes home to you."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yes!" Nathan exploded, nearly at his wit's end. He had felt his relationship with his brother crumble during the seven years of silence and the last week or two; they had seemed to had healed it somewhat. Now, it was snatched away once more. "Of course I'm still in love with her."

"We'll never get past this you know?" Lucas murmured strolling to the dresser and looking at the pictures tucked in the corners of the mirror. He had to smile at the one of him and Haley dancing at their wedding. "We'll always have this hanging over our heads."

"So what are we going to do about it?"

"There's not a whole lot we can is there?"


	16. I Can't Help Falling in Love

**A/N: As much as I love this story, I am so heartbroken by the lack of reviews. It's forced me to rush and end this story much quicker than I originally intended. Hopefully, it's still good. I love this chapter. I started and restarted several times and right now, I'm really happy with it. It made me cry. Yeah, I'm that much of a sap. Anyway, I think t here will be one or two chapters left and an epilogue. Enjoy and leave me so love :)**

I Can't Help Falling In Love With You

Nathan tugged at his tie before quickly drowning the remainder of his drink. The Scotch didn't even have time to get cold once it was in the glass before he was throwing it down his throat. He thought he would be able to deal with this, all of it, but it wasn't quite working out that way. His gaze shifted to his brother, who sulking in the corner, was also chugging drink after drink and was well on his way, if not already, being drunk. Haley sat timidly beside him, fiddling with her hands, signing every couple of minutes.

This was going to be a long evening.

The worse part of it being that there was a sequel the very next day. He thought this was bad but he was positive that the big day would be a horrible one for the twisted love triangle. Honestly, he had thought of packing up and moving to somewhere, anywhere; a place where his past wasn't constantly smacking him in the face and knocking him down. He was going to give it to the end of the school year before making a definite decision; one that was sure to prove difficult.

He set his empty glass on the bar before shrugging off his jacket and slipping into the open evening. Even though it was for his friend, it was painful and stealing a few moments to himself didn't seem harmless. The rehearsal dinner was being held at one of the nicer restaurants on the boardwalk and with the warm spring air and the twinkling stars, it almost seemed magical. Nostalgia was hitting him, and hitting him hard as he placed both of his hands on the rail lining the river.

Before their marriage had crumbled, he remembered him and Haley walking hand and hand most nights. He would still be in his coveralls from work and she would just be getting down with dinner. They would sit down and enjoy each other's company before heading out to spend some alone time together. It wasn't much, but they didn't have much to begin with. Anything together was time well cherished. Over time, the fights became more frequent and the walks less and less until one day they were just non existent.

Evenings and days not spent with his wife were spent with his brother. Growing up, they had been practically attached at the hip. Early on, their fathers love for the game spilled into their lives and it bonded more than they could ever imagine. They were different though; Lucas thoroughly having his nose in a book most days and Nathan taking an active role in being in any sports possible.

Then they met Haley.

Nathan remembered them being six or seven playing in the sandbox at the park. Vividly, he remembered her coming up, pulling at her braid pigtails and asking to play with them. She was wearing pink overalls which he was sure was a direct result in her hating the color pink when she was older. From that moment on, whenever someone saw the Scott twins, Haley James was directly between them.

Nathan hadn't realized it then, and hadn't thought about it while he was away. But the fact was, Haley James would always come between he and his brother. He just hadn't fathomed it would be to this extent. Their mothers gossiped all the time about who Haley would end up with. It was inevitable; her falling in love and marrying one of the two. Her falling in love and marrying both brothers? Well that just never crossed anyone's mind.

His father told him once, shortly after he and Haley started dating, that being with her was having a giant wrench and throwing a kink in kismet's way. He explained to an obviously young and naïve Nathan that he needed to be careful, that he needed to be sure, and that no matter what he would always be there for him. Which wasn't the case anymore. He had stayed gone so long, and now when he needed his father's wisdom and advice the most, he was gone.

"I didn't think you'd be here."

"I was supposed to." He turned around and put his arms around his mother, enveloping her scent and hugging her tightly. She pulled away and gave him a weary look. "What's the matter ma?"

"You were supposed to be at the reading for you're father's will."

"Yeah, about that…." Nathan sheepishly rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "If Dad left me anything, it's not something I deserve. "

"You amaze me sometimes with how selfish you are." She clenched her jaw and pulled her wrap closer to her body. "Did you think for a second, that maybe as you're mother and a grieving widow, I would need some support?"

"Mom, I'm sorry." Nathan sputtered, her words cutting him deeply. It seemed like he was one big disappointment after another. "You're right. I was being selfish. I didn't realize."

"I did need support Nathan. I needed it then and I've needed it all those years before. You're father so sick and yet he and I both supported you and your decision." She chocked out, tired from holding everything in. "You didn't have to stay gone for so long. Do have any idea what it was like for me? How much of a struggle I went through?"

"No." he said flatly, his once soft features becoming stoic. "I could never know and I won't try to. And I appreciate everything you ever did for Dad…"

"I didn't do it for you!" she exclaimed, shoving his chest lightly. "With every breath in my body; I did everything I did without complaint. Even though I lost him, I would do it all over in a heartbeat. Why do you think that is my boy?"

"Because you loved him." He muttered his response, looking away ashamed. "Because you loved him!" he shouted more loudly, looking at her fiercely. "You stayed with him though sickness and in health because you loved him. And I left because I loved her. You said it yourself Mom, I'm selfish! But if I did anything in this world that wasn't selfish, it was that! You know, Dad understood that! Even if you didn't, he did! So if I had to do everything over, I would in a heartbeat knowing it would turn out the same Even now, when it hurts me every time I see Lucas, every time I see her, I still think I did what was best for her. They love each other. Lucas, he loves her so much and would sacrifice any and everything for her. She deserves the best and he is the best!"

Nathan stumbled back as if he had been slapped. He hadn't even realized the thoughts and feeling that were tumbling out of his mouth. He realized that, however painful they were, they were true as well. His mother was no crying, her hand cupped over her cheek and her head down. Of course, seeing her crying and his emotions clearly in overdrive, he was struggling not to cry too. He quickly looked away and slammed the palm of his hands down on the railing.

This was too much.

"Ever considering going into acting?"

Lucas's cold voice seemed to suck every sad and emotional feeling out of him and replace it with pure rage. Nathan couldn't control Haley's feelings and if Lucas was upset or hurt because of her feeling towards him, then that wasn't really his problem. It was one of the reasons he told Lucas to begin with that it would never work; Lucas would have to choose Haley over Nathan regardless the situation. Now that it was becoming difficult and complicated, it was ripping them at the seams.

Nathan turned and stomped up to his brother. "You know, I told you to begin with that I don't want a reason to hate you. So stop this right now!"

"Stop what?" Lucas smirked, stepping closer to Nathan. Karen snapped to her senses and tried to put her small frame between her two towering sons. "You're so full of shit Nathan!"

"You're drunk!" Nathan yelled stepping back and loosening his tie. "This is Mouth's rehearsal dinner! Why are you trying to ruin everything? Or is that you just like trying to ruin people's weddings right before they walk down the aisle?"

Nathan didn't even see Lucas swinging at him. All he heard was his mother's scream and vaguely hearing Haley's voice. But not being quite as inebriated as his brother, he had the advantage of ducking and missing, catching Lucas around his waist. He tried his best to calm Lucas down but he quickly realized that passive as he may be sober, he was quite belligerent drunk. Haley was there in an instant, shoving Lucas off Nathan and pushing him back as far as possible forcing Lucas to look her in the face.

"Get a grip. Now." She commanded, pushing on his shoulder. Nathan was behind them, his hands on his knees, struggling to catch his breath. "We're going to go and take a walk so you can cool off. Sober up a bit."

"No, no." he muttered, jerking off his tie and throwing his coat on the boardwalk. "You can stay here." He sarcastically taunted getting closer to her face and looking up towards Nathan. "With him."

"Lucas!" Haley called out after him but he continued to walk. She heard Karen mumble something about going after him but didn't really care one way or the other. This was messy and complicated and now she felt sick with Lucas's drunken breath in her face. "God damn it!"

"Are you okay?" Nathan finally asked after a few minutes of silence. " I mean, he didn't, I didn't hurt you; did we?"

"Am I okay?" Haley repeated, swiping at her eyes. She pointed towards where Lucas had previously walked. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me getting reamed by my mom who doesn't understand why I left and who is convinced I'm selfish. That was Lucas being an idiot after I spilt my entire guts on how I think he's the best guy for you. And this, well this is me still being the fool in love with the girl I'll never be able to have."

She took a seat at the table in front of them, memories of picnics and conversations from the past flooding her brain. He waited a moment for taking a seat across from his, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. She placed her hand on the table in front of him and he hesitantly took his hand on of his pocket and placed in her much smaller one. The warmth was not something either of them would ever forget.

"You're going to leave again aren't you?"

"Can I ask you something?" he asked instead of answering. She slowly nodded, squeezing his hand gently. "Are you staying with Lucas out of loyalty or love?"

"What?"

"Are you staying with him because you're in love with him and you want to be with him for the rest of your life or are you staying with him because you're married to him and pregnant with his child?" He cleared his throat and waited in bated breath for her answer. "Just be truthful. I won't judge you."

"I don't know." She spoke honestly, wiping away a few rogue tears that had split down her cheek. "Before you came back, I was so sure, so positive. I didn't think it would be so possible to be in love with two people at once. Maybe it is best that you go."

It pained her to even think those words, much less say them. Weeks earlier she was begging him to stay and now, for the sake of her marriage and her sanity she was asking him to leave. She was conflicted, so much so where she herself just wanted to run away from it all. The biggest factor was her pregnancy with Lucas's child. She couldn't be selfish and run away with or without Nathan and never allow Lucas to know his child; one that he was desperate to have.

"Maybe I should." He agreed sadly. "Hales, you have to know; coming back, I had no idea. I didn't mean to complicate your life further or to hurt you anymore. I genuinely only wanted what was best for you. You may not see that now, and you may never, but you think you could trust me on this? Because I love you enough to tell you that I know you're confused and a little bit lost. I had faith in us and in out love and I guess a part of me still does. You wouldn't have married Lucas if you weren't in love with him. And it may not be the same thing that we shared but it doesn't make it any less real. We had something amazing. When we look back on those things, we won't regret anything and we won't be sad. We'll be happy that we had that and felt that and lived that."

She couldn't say anything if she had tried. She didn't even try to stop the tears spilling down her cheek. He took her other hand in his, kissing her palms gently. He was giving her, giving them closure. Something she had struggled to find for the past seven years. She thought falling in love and marrying Lucas would give her that absolution and she supposed it had for a time. But deep down she knew it really could only come from Nathan.

The absolution was now there.

"Now we're really over." She cried, throwing her head back to try and gain some control. She released her hands from his grasps, putting her face in them. He came around and sat beside her with his legs in the opposite direction pulling her small body into his chest; holding her while she sobbed.

"We both know we've been over for a while." He whispered in her ear and she numbly nodded in his torso. "We've just been too stubborn to accept it. Only now, we're a lot wiser. Now you have a baby to look forward to with the husband that so you're so in love with. It's going to be better now."

She pulled away and cupped her cheeks. "I'll always love you." She promised, leaning to kiss him tenderly on the lips. It was quick and over with entirely too fast, much like their marriage. "The last time I kissed you, I didn't know it was going to be my last."

_Wise men say, only fools rush in  
But I can't help, falling in love with you_

"Elvis." He said suddenly, laughing through his own tears. "They're playing Elvis."

She turned to look at the lively restaurant. "They're playing our song."

_Shall I stay, would it be a __sin  
If I can't help, falling in love with you_

Nathan stood up, holding his hand out. "Care to dance?" he asked to which she tentatively put her hand in his. He pulled her to her feet, wrapping his arm around her waist. Her somewhat damp cheek was pressed to his as they swayed back and forth with the beat they could barely hear. They really didn't need it; the memory of their wedding so vibrant in their minds.

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be_

"I still can't believe you picked this song out for our first dance." She giggled, burying her head deeper in the crook of his neck.

_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help, falling in love with you_

"I might have had a few pointers from Dad." He admitted and he could feel her smile against his skin. "I think his exact words were 'A classy lady deserves a classy song.' I thought he was crazy and I thought I wouldn't like it but I did. I liked it even more when you did."

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be_

"I loved it."

_Take my hand, take my whole life too  
For I can't help, falling in love with you_

"What the hell is that?" Nathan pulled away from Haley, straining to hear the angry voice from inside the restaurant. Automatically, he reached for her hand and she took his as he lead her inside the eatery. Forcing their way through the crowd, he stopped abruptly when he saw a drunken Lucas standing on the stand, microphone in hand. "Shit."

"And look, there's the two loves birds now." He called out, pointing to the two of them. All eyes were on them as Nathan gripped Haley's hand tighter before letting it go. "Love." Lucas scoffed shaking his head.

"Lucas get off the stage." Nathan demanded, ignoring the pleading looks from everyone one around him. "This isn't the place or the time."

"Nothing really ever is the right place or the right time." He slurred glaring at Nathan, unaware of Haley coming up on the stage until she tried to take the mic from him.

"Stop this now." Haley quietly commanded, covering up the mic. "You have issues with me, settle them with me."

"Why?" he boomed, jerking away from her grasp. "You didn't settle things with Nathan."

"There was nothing to settle." She let out her breath in frustration, giving Nathan a quick glance. This was about to be really hurtful. "He left. That's all. Now give me the damn mic!"

"That's it?" Lucas challenged, giving Haley a knowing look. "You settled everything?"

"Lucas." Haley warned, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Don't."

"Nathan!" Lucas focused his attention on Nathan who stood rooted firmly in his place. "Did you know you just didn't leave Haley behind? Did you have any idea what you did when you left? No, of course not! Because you're so self absorbed in your own little world! You left your precious little wife behind; no real harm done. She was better off with you right? Oh but wait! You didn't give her a chance to tell you that she was pregnant!"

The collective gasp was heard throughout the crowded restaurant. Haley clutched the stool that was situated on the stage for support, refusing to even look in Nathan's direction. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was never sure if she was going to tell him, but if she did, this was certainly not how she wanted it to happen. Running a hand over her stomach as if to assure her that her new child was still in there, she watched as Lucas took another swig of the drink in his hand.

"Congratulations!" Lucas cheered throwing his drink up in a toast towards Nathan. "You left your wife and left her so heartbroken that she went into premature labor, and she lost the baby. Who was there to help her through that? Was that you? Oh no, wait, we didn't know where you were. It was me!"

Nathan remained with his stony exterior as the very heart that was beating inside of him was ripped out with every word Lucas was saying. When Haley finally willed herself to look at him, the look in her eyes were confession enough for him to know that it was the truth. He felt sick and ashamed and Lucas was too oblivious to anything to realize just how much damage he was causing. Or maybe he did and that was the point in his whole charade.

Lucas stumbled back, falling on the floor and Nathan stormed out the crowd.

Haley looked between the two before going to one.

_For I can't help, falling in love with you_


	17. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy!**

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

It didn't take a lot of thought or effort for Haley to find Nathan. Taking one look at a passed out Lucas, she had quickly bolted in the opposite direction. Regardless of anything going on at the present time, that bit of information that he so carelessly spilt out, had probably hurt more than anything anyone had ever done. It was the one thing that the two honestly could say they only shared together; it was their secret and her burden. Really, it didn't even matter to her that the whole world knew.

It mattered that he knew.

She swallowed the lump in her throat as she cautiously made her way across the blacktop of the rivercourt and took a seat beside him. His knees were propped up, his hands carelessly resting on top of his thighs. She studied him quietly but couldn't decipher the blank look on his face. After seven years, she still didn't have the right words to explain anything to him. It was something she didn't even quite understand herself.

"Did you know?" he croaked out after what seemed like a small eternity of silence. "Did you know before I left?"

"No." she answered, cursing herself for allowing herself to tear up once more. "I was about four months along when I found out. You had already been gone a month. I thought the missing periods and the sickness that plagued me was because I was so stressed out."

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Eventually." She promised, wringing her hands nervously. "I wanted to. It just never seemed like the right time. I wanted up to move past the hurt of you leaving and you coming back and me marrying Lucas and get on solid ground."

"So you could knock me right back down?" he retorted shaking his head. "Sorry. That's uncalled for."

"I just didn't want to pile the hurt on so much. It's painful so I try very hard not to think about it."

"What happened?"

"Everyone, they wouldn't leave me alone. It was like if they gave me a moment's peace then I would somehow realize that you were never coming back." She paused, searching for the right words. "I knew. I knew the moment I woke up that something was wrong, that somehow you were never gonna come back."

"I want to be angry at you." He admitted, taking her hand in his. "And as much as I try, I can't be. I'm so; God I wasn't even there for you at the time when you needed me the most. Haley, I couldn't know. You have to know that I knew, I wouldn't, I couldn't…"

"Really?" she questioned, giving him a sad look. "You really think you would've stayed? We were so young Nathan." She put hand on his cheek lovingly. "I love you but I think we both know that you would either still have left or we would've never made it."

"We didn't make it anyway." He responded, guilt running fluid through his voice. "Keep going. I want to know everything."

She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. "So, everyone thought I was going to break. If they knew I was pregnant, they would've never let me grieve properly. Luckily, it was right around summer time. My Aunt Judith, you remember, the somewhat loony one?"

"The one with the purple fro?" Nathan laughed and Haley nodded. "Somewhat loony? That's putting it mildly."

"I told Lucas." Haley continued, forcing herself to be strong in getting the entire story out. "Even if I didn't want everyone to know, I needed someone to help me out. He was you're brother and my best friend and it just seemed natural. Anyway, my aunt had a cottage in New England. So he went with me for the summer."

"No one knew?" Nathan asked, quite shocked but the whole thing.

"Well, eventually Karen and Peyton found out. It wasn't something that was brought up a whole lot. Lucas lied though. I didn't go to into premature labor because I was so heartbroken. The doctor explained to me, to both of us, that it was often the case that first time pregnancies aren't carried to term. He just wanted to hurt you and I guess hurt me."

Nathan wasn't sure how to respond. Ever since Haley had confessed she was pregnant he had thought nothing of wanting the child to be his. Now, finding out that he had, at one point been a father and didn't even know, was something that was breaking his heart. To know that she had to go through not only dealing with his abandonment but the death of their child was something that quite literally made him sick to his stomach. He knew he was a coward and a failure, but to this extent was something he had never even considered before.

"I was seven months along." She continued once he didn't say anything. "She was really gorgeous."

"It was a girl?" Nathan turned his head to look at her and thumbed away the tear rolling down Haley's cheek. He could imagine a little girl with Haley's big brown eyes and sweet smile.

"Sophia Faith Scott." Haley placed her hand of his that cupped her cheek. "We talked about that remember?"

"I remember everything that has anything to do with you." He nodded, kissing her forehead softly. "Now, we need to figure out where to go from here."

"Do you forgive me?" she bit her lip as he pulled her into a hug. "I wanted to tell you, I just; there never were the right words."

"Of course I forgive you." He whispered in her hair, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "The real question is, are you ever going to forgive me for not being there for you?"

"I forgave you a long, long time ago Nathan. I had to, for my sake and to maintain any integrity of our love. Now, with everything out on the table, you have to work on forgiving yourself."

X-x-X

Haley slammed her phone shut for what seemed like the umpteenth time and slipped it in her satin clutch. After hours of a heart to heart with Nathan, she had gone home in search of Lucas. Now that her past seemed settled, she had to get her present and her future on an even keel. Only Lucas wasn't home when she returned. From late the previous night to right at the present moment, her husband was no where in sight.

She was worried about him to say the least. More so, she was worried about fragile state of their marriage. Spilling the beans about her current pregnancy was something she was seriously debating. She didn't want him to stay with her because of the life growing in side of her. Their marriage and their bond had always been strong; it certainly seemed unbreakable but then again, she had naively thought the same about her first marriage.

Nervously, she tugged at the curls on top of her head before plastering on a fake smile and making her way to where the rest of the wedding party stood. Thankfully, neither Rachel nor Mouth had seemed too dismayed by the spectacle put on the night before and the wedding was still going on as planned. Only Lucas was still MIA and he was set to be one of the groomsmen.

Haley eyed Nathan from across the garden and he gave her a small wave and smile tugging at her heartstrings. Just as she was about to wave back, Lucas, wearing the same clothes from the rehearsal dinner stepped in her line of sight. Quickly she moved towards him, grabbing his hand and pulling him out of sight to cause yet another scene. They ended up in secluded garden away from the main one where the wedding was to be held.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly, struggling to keep the anger out of her voice. Anger was one thing, but tears were something completely different as she chocked out the next words. "How could you so maliciously hurt me like that?"

He hadn't looked her in the eyes until that moment. "How could you?" he glared, as the cold and stoic words flew out of his mouth. "I knew it was only a matter of time before you ended up in his arms."

"You severely underestimate me and our love." She sighed as he scoffed. "Yeah, I said our love. Because believe it or not, him coming back didn't change the way I feel about you in the slightest. It's you that has the big bad issues of insecurity and doubt."

"Don't patronize me Haley." He warned, pulling out a flask and taking a gulp out of it. "You playing innocent and loving now doesn't fool me in the slightest."

She snatched the flask out of his hand, throwing it in the bushes. He was angry but mostly just hurt. Both of them were and after a moment of staring one another down, she flung her arms around her neck and began crying in his shoulder. It took him a moment but he finally wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly. She pulled away a few minutes later, kissing him one last time.

"Last night, that was the lowest thing you could've ever done." She sobbed as he looked on with guilt. "I let go of one love because it was unhealthy and because he became self destructive. I can't do that again. I can't put myself through that. Nathan and I were over a long time ago. We just finally came to terms with that. The difference being, back then, I had you."

"What are you saying?" he flinched just at the brutal honesty of her words. "We're done?"

"No." she refused to even accept that as a possibility. "Not by a long shot. But we're going to take some time apart. You're going to figure out how to deal and how to accept. Then we'll work together to make sure what we have, what we've shared for the past few years is still there. And if it's not, then that's when we'll move on."

"I've always loved you." He vowed, knowing deep down in his heart this was something he was never going to get past. Maybe she wasn't saying it or thinking it, but he knew they were through. The moment he had saw Nathan, a ghost from his past, it was done with. Nothing was ever going to change that fact. Their love, however strong it was, was not quite the force to be reckoned with as her love with Nathan. "There won't be a day that goes by that I won't."

He walked away a few feet before turning around to give her one last look. He held his hand up, slightly curling his fingers in a goodbye. She mirrored his actions, placing her hand on her mouth to keep the sobs from coming out of her mouth that were wracking through her body. It wasn't something that he had planned on doing when he showed up, but loving someone that much meant that you had to let them go. You had to let them be happy, even it wasn't with you.

Even if it was something you couldn't live with.

X-x-X

Once Nathan had saw Lucas and subsequently Haley pulling him away, he had instantly been concerned. Honestly, he wished nothing but for the two of them to work it out and be okay. Soon, he would leave and be out of their lives forever. It was better that way. He and Haley had reached an impasse, and chosen to take the road less traveled. They forgave each other and themselves and made the vow to move on, apart. Their love would always be there; that was something that would never go away.

"Lucas!" he called after his flushed brother as he stomped past him. Lucas ignored him, heading straight for the decked out limo that was set to take Mouth and Rachel to their honeymoon. "Lucas!"

"Not now Nathan." Lucas growled, fumbling to get into the drivers side of the limo. It was obvious to Nathan that he was still somewhat intoxicated and in no condition to drive; not to mention steal a limo. Nathan placed his hand on the door, preventing Lucas from opening it. "Leave me alone."

"I'm not letting you get behind a wheel in your condition! It's not even yours!" Lucas disregarded Nathan's protests, shoving him away and quickly getting in the car. Nathan scrambled to his feet, rushing to the other side and getting in. "Don't do this man."

"Either get out or buckle up." Lucas commanded, starting up the engine and gripping the steering wheel tight. He adjusted the rearview mirror, frowning when he saw Haley some distance behind them. He grazed his fingertips over her mirrored figured and put the car into drive. Once the tires spun, he sped out of the garden and Nathan strapped himself in.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Nathan asked, intently studying his brother and getting no kind of reading. Lucas pulled up to a stop sign and looked to Nathan.

"Last chance bro. I suggest you get out."

"No, I'm not leaving you."

Lucas shrugged, stomping on the gas petal and peeling down the stretch of highway in front of them. All Nathan could thing about was he couldn't leave his brother in this condition. He was like a man possessed and Nathan wondered if this was it for them. Lucas laughed menacingly, swerving the car back and forth between the lanes as Nathan clutched the dashboard in front of him.

"Who do you think loves her more?" Lucas quirked up his eyebrow at Nathan, refusing to pay attention to the road. "The brother who is willing to give up his soul life so that she can be happy or the brother who got in the car, willing to end both of their lives; leaving her alone?"

"What are you talking about?" Nathan panicked, as Lucas veered towards the railing of the bridge a mere hundred feet in front of them. Quickly, Nathan reached over, grabbing the steering wheel and trying desperately to over compensate and straighten the car. But it was too late.

The last thing either Scott brother saw before they plunged into the depths was Haley.

The rest was just darkness.


	18. If I Found The Right Words To Say

**A/N: Okay, so first off thank you for all the amazing reviews. This is the final chapter and I'm happy and sad for it to go at the same time. So leave me lots of feedback and enjoy. Oh and I have a new Naley story, You'll Ask for Me, in case you haven't checked it out yet. Much love Amanda :)**

If I Found The Right Words To Say

Nathan wasn't expecting it to be so cold. So dark. The past seven years he had found himself running away, running hard, running fast; to end up like this. He would lose her forever now. He struggled to open his eyes and once he did and took in his surroundings, he quickly shut them tight to block out the sight before him. He shook off his fears and unbuckled his seatbelt. There wasn't much time. The water was up to his chest and it didn't look like the windshield was going to hold off much longer.

His brother lie motionless next to him with his head on the steering wheel. There was blood tickling from his ear and Nathan feared the worse. He took a deep breath before touching his shoulder. He breathe a sigh of relief once he stirred and sat up looking around incoherently. Nathan placed his hand over Lucas's, calming him before helping him unbuckle his seatbelt.

"Are you okay?" Lucas winced as he tried to move his legs. "God damn it. I'm stuck."

Nathan looked around much more. "I've got to get you out of here. Do you know deep the water is?"

"When we were kids it was around 10 or 12 feet." Lucas shook his head. "Who knows how deep it is now."

"Okay." Nathan nodded running the back of his hand over his forehead revealing blood that was coming from a gash he had received from the crash. "I'm going to get you out of here. Just give me a minute to think."

Lucas nodded as well but watched as a tiny crack appeared at the top of the windshield. They didn't have a minute. If they were lucky they had maybe five tops. He cursed himself as he once again tried to shimmy his legs free. They weren't moving, crushed by the steering wheel in front of him. The agonizing pain made him think they were broken in which case he wasn't swimming out anyway.

"Nathan, I'm sorry." Lucas rested his head on the back of the seat and rolled his head to look at his brother. "This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this, not like this. We made a mess of things."

"I made a mess of things." Nathan corrected sucking in his breath and diving underneath the water in search of something, anything to get Lucas free. He came back up a minutes later empty handed and disheartened.

"Do you remember our 13th birthday?" Lucas asked, keeping his eye on the growing crack in the glass. "We played spin the bottle for the first time."

"Yeah, that was Brooke's lame idea." Nathan muttered looking around the cramped confines of the limo again. The more he searched the more he knew something wasn't going to pop out of nowhere to save them. "What about it?"

"I think that's when it started." Lucas continued and Nathan gave him a confused expression. "The sordid Lucas/Haley/Nathan love triangle. Remember? The bottle landed in between the two of us? So she crawled over and plopped down in between us and we both kissed her on the cheek at the same time."

Nathan's head snapped up the creaking of the window. The clock was quickly winding down. He had to do something. Despite their differences, he had to save Lucas. They were brothers, best friends, and they shared the same love and devotion for the same woman. He had to save him for Haley too. He didn't think she would be able to take losing Lucas and raising his child without him.

Lucas took the moment of silence to reflect on his life. As much as he loved Brooke and grieved when she died, he didn't doubt for a second that life didn't begin for him until the moment he knew Haley was his. For the past three years or so he didn't think his life could've been more fulfilled. Which made his decision that much easier. He had the best things in life he could ask for and he had them with her. Now, she could have it with him.

"Take care of her." Lucas grimaced, clamping his hand on the back of Nathan's neck to pull him closer. "Don't for a second, think not to be with her."

"You're talking like a crazy person Lucas."

"And don't ever feel guilty." Lucas finished without missing a beat. "You're going to have a great life together."

"No." Nathan protested, jerking away but Lucas kept his tight grasp. "Hell no Lucas. Don't do this."

"Make sure she knows I'm sorry. Nathan, you have to know, I didn't do this on purpose. It was an accident. Don't let her blame herself. She would feel guilty and that shouldn't be something she bears for the rest of her life. Make sure she knows I love her."

"Lucas!"

"I love her more than anything. Make sure she knows that I've had the best life I could because of her presence. Nothing. I regret absolutely nothing. I'll always be there for her, and for you."

"You can't do this Lucas." Nathan cried, watching as his brother did the same. He begged. "Don't do this. Please."

"Do you think Dad would be proud of me?" Lucas pressed, knowing that if he stopped and listened to Nathan he wouldn't be strong for the both of them; knowing he had to.

"Of course. Lucas…"

"Now, this is what's going to happen." Lucas began to explain, pulling Nathan into a hug. "I'm going to turn on the switch for the dividing window to go down. You're going to go out and up through the sun roof."

"But you'll die!"

"And we both will if we don't do this now." Lucas dismissed Nathan's protests pulling away and gripping the collar of his shirt. . "I love you Nathan and I love her and she can't lose us both. So when you go out through that sunroof, kick and push until you see her face. Our girl needs you. Do you understand?"

Nathan fought his labor breath in order to remain in control of his emotions. He knew Lucas was right. It didn't make it any more appealing in the long run. It should've been him trapped. Lucas was going to be a father; he was going on to do great things in life. Most of which were being an amazing father and an amazing husband. This couldn't be happening.

"Promise me Nathan."

"I promise." Nathan vowed and Lucas reached for the switch before pulling him into one last grasp. "Lucas. You're going to be a dad."

Lucas winced refusing to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks. He nodded in Nathan's shoulder, forcing his mind into a time where things were happy and things weren't so disastrous. No matter what happy time he thought of, he thought of Haley. His future flashed though his mind. Rubbing a pregnant Haley's stomach. Clutching her hand as she gave birth. Filming as Haley helped their child blow out birthday candles. Handing over the keys to their first car. Watching them graduate high school; college. Walking his daughter down the aisle. He had to smile at the thought.

He opened his eyes.

He was watching his future though Nathan's eyes.

Nathan's future.

"No you are."

X-x-X

Nathan steadily and evenly took his steps up the grassy knoll, pulling up his pants and crouching down. It had been four years and even now, with solid proof in front of him he still expected to wake up one day and it not be real. He placed the tulips down in front of him, thankful that the grass was finally growing where raw red earth used to remain. He placed his sunglasses on top of his head, his fingers lightly tracing the outline of the stone in front of him.

_Lucas Daniel Scott_

_Loving Husband, Son, Brother, and Father_

_September 20__th__, 19__83__-May 15__th__2007_

_There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and __me sires__. On such a full sea are we now afloat and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us._

For months afterwards, that day haunted him every waking moment and the nightmares that consumed him never let him get a moment's peace. Not that he thought he deserved any of it. Looking back, if he had to do it all over again; when he left Tree Hill, his life, his love seven years ago he shouldn't never looked back. He never should've come back. Everything since then had done nothing but go downhill.

"Hey." Haley murmured coming up to stand beside him. That day, she had followed them and in an instant she found her world crumbling around her. She had collapsed on the edge of the broken bridge, screaming their names, praying that they would be okay. She thought she was going to faint with relief when Nathan had surfaced. She did out of sorrow, when Lucas didn't. "Thought I might find you here."

"I wanted to tell him about Luka." Nathan stood up; kissing Haley's slightly bulging belly and wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "And the new baby."

Haley nodded, running her hand across her stomach. The months and subsequent years that followed Lucas's death hadn't been easy. It had taken her and Nathan a long time to get to this point. The guilt they felt was tremendous and it never fully went away. Nathan was there every step of the way though, throughout her entire pregnancy. She was overjoyed and sad at the same time when she introduced a son, Luka James Scott, into the world six months later.

Even afterwards, her relationship with Nathan remained the way it had since he returned. It had been years since they had spent any real time together but they didn't want to take anything for granted either. Lucas's death had taught them that in an instant, everything could be taken away from you. And ten years to the date of their first wedding, they remarried and they prayed that whatever life threw them this time, they would make it though unscathed.

"Hey Lucas." Haley whispered, taking a seat on the grass beside his gravesite. Nathan placed his hands on her shoulders reassuringly. "So you're son, is apparently quite the heartbreaker at preschool. His teacher says he has about four girls worked up over him. He claims that girls are 'yucky' and he'd much rather be reading. He does that squinting brooding thing you used to do. His birthday was today and we gave him his very first basketball. I think he's going to be an amazing player."

She swiped at her tears and Nathan took a seat behind her and she rested her back and head on his torso. They had sat down this morning and explained to their son that as much as Nathan loved him, he had another daddy that loved him very much and was very sad to not meet him. It was painful for her and she knew that he really didn't understand what was going on, but he realized that he had two parents and a handful of other people that loved and cared about him a great deal.

"I'll always regret not telling him." Haley remarked and Nathan sighed, feeling guilty he had never told her the whole truth. "I think things would've went a lot differently."

"Lucas loved you very much. The funny thing is, both of us thought that each other were the best for you. I don't know the correct answer to that and the truth is, we probably never will. Do you remember when I told you that I didn't remember anything about the crash?"

"Yeah, you said that you blacked out."

Nathan kissed the back of her head. "I'm sorry Haley. I wasn't sure how to tell you."

"Tell me what?" she spun to face him, fearful of the next words out of his mouth. "Nathan?"

"I tried to save him. We both knew from the very beginning that his legs were stuck. The water was rising and the windshield was cracking. So he just started rambling; telling me to take care of you. Making sure you knew he loved you. He said that I had to get out; that I had to make it to you. He knew that you couldn't lose both of us."

"Oh God." Haley clamped her hand over her mouth in an effort to maintain control of her tears.

"I begged him to let me try and save him. He hugged me and; Haley he knew. He knew he was going to be a Dad." Nathan murmured sadly. He reached for Haley pulling her into a hug. "Then he just flicked the switch and pushed me out. The water rushed in so fast. I reached for him but he wouldn't take my hand."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because I failed." Nathan confessed as she pulled away. "It was a lot easier to just say I couldn't remember anything. It was a lot easier than admitting I couldn't' save him. I probably should've never have left Tree Hill but I should've never came back."

"Oh Nathan." Haley cupped his cheek, rubbing it slightly with her thumb. "Things; they should've happened quite differently. The what ifs are going to plague us for the rest of our lives. That's never going to go away. But Lucas, regardless of him being hurt, he was a good man. He was one of the greatest people I ever knew. And I know he loved me, and you; both of us very much. Because I know him, because I got the amazing opportunity to be in love with him, I know that he would want us to be happy. I have to believe that."

"I'd like to think so too." Nathan smiled leaning into her touch. "We've made it this far, through everything. Not a day will go by that I won't think about him or how much I've hurt him. But the only thing that matters now is that we push forward. I mean we've made one hell of a life for ourselves, even if it has taken us ten years. I mean we have Luka and we have this little baby on the way, and I can't imagine my life without either. Especially you. I love you. I always have."

"I love you too." She promised, kissing him softly. "Now, I need you to go back to the car. I've got a few things I need so say."

He nodded. "Tell him thank you for me."

"For what?"

"For you. I'll be waiting."

Haley waited until Nathan was out of site before turning her attention back to the headstone. It seemed rather pointless in the long run, to be spilling her guts to her deceased husband, but it somehow made her feel better. She had to believe that somehow, somewhere he was listening in and looking down on her. Just like he had since the moment he had met her.

"I never, ever thought that I would feel love again after Nathan left. After that, and with the baby dying, it seemed like everything happened and it all happened at once. The only reason, I promise you, that I ever made it though was because of you. You never left my side."

She placed her hand on his headstone.

"I was really lucky to have you. You were one of the loves of my life. Maybe you never realized it, and maybe I didn't know it at the time either. But there wasn't a moment that I wasn't in love with you. When our son gets old enough I promise you he'll know everything about you. He'll know what a great man you were, and if he's anything like you, he'll make some woman really happy one day. Just like you made me. Thank you, for saving him. I needed that. I needed you though. I miss you so much buddy. I love you Lucas, I always will."


	19. Authors Note

Hey guys...I know it's been eons since I've update any of my stories. My world kind of exploded eight months ago and I lost all inspiration. I'm terribly sorry. However, after reviewing my stories, I plan to revamp some old ones and start writing again. So bear with me and I'll try to start writing again. Thanks, Amanda 


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